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An easy way to help young people gain extra information about their situation is to use ‘the third person.’ I first used this technique with children in local primary schools to help them in the transition to secondary school. If I asked, ‘What are you scared about in moving up to year seven?’ I would receive silence. When I introduced ‘Bob’ and ‘Freda’ – complete with clip art pictures of them, I was dubious, but the response was immediate. Asking, ‘Bob and Freda are worried about going to secondary school – what might they be scared of?’ generated floods of ideas as it was no longer so vulnerable to answer and provided helpful distance so they could look at the situation objectively.
I started using this technique with my own children. For example, I asked my nine year-old, ‘If your child spoke to you rudely like that, how would you respond?’ She said she would try to help them understand why it was wrong, make it clear it was not OK and encourage them to find a more positive alternative. This was much more effective than me simply saying ‘stop being rude!’ It can be a surprisingly effective way of helping them own the discipleship process, empowering them about their life and future; and understanding why you are trying to teach them, rather than just feeling the subject of transferred information.
Mentoring is all about helping young people see their ‘blind spots’, so try using this technique to help them learn about themselves. Ensure you give the made up character a name:
• If you were God what would you tell yourself?
• If a girl, Amy, met you – how safe / comfortable would she feel in your presence / listening to you talk with your mates?
• George is a new boy in your class – at a party, how would he view the way you dress / think about the way you view yourself?
• Imagine you are the youth worker of a church – what is the best way to teach young people Bible stories without boring them?
• Ian struggles with a certain sin and it is stressing him out. What advice would you give him?
• What would your mum say is your biggest strength?
• If you were your dad what three things would you advise you to spend your time doing / investing in?
You could even invent a character that you regularly refer to in your mentoring sessions, so in every new context you discuss ask, ‘Imagine your friend Calvin was going through this – what dangers are there in it for him and how could he come out of this stronger?’
