Young people are complicated. Any youth worker will tell you that. You don’t always know what’s going on in their heads or what they need to hear from you. Lizzie Lowe was especially complicated. What hasn’t been covered in the media, and what her church felt it wasn’t the right time to highlight, is that she came from a setting that was supportive of gay relationships. The only response her grieving community felt was appropriate was that young LGBT people in our churches need more from us.
Assumptions that ‘of course they know we love them unconditionally’ are not enough. Our clever proofs and campaigns for or against the legitimacy of Christian gay marriage are hollow and insufficient.
We need to create safer, more loving communities that young people can share themselves, their real selves
For that brief moment, when faced with a 14 year-old hanging herself, alone in a city park, nothing is clever, nothing is the right stand to take. Because at the end of the day God will not care about whether we were respected by other church leaders for having a flawless understanding of Biblical ethics (as important as those discussions are) but instead whether we truly loved these little ones and didn’t hinder them from coming to his son. The piercing note that resounds in the unearthly silence following Lizzie’s death is that, standing against the media and Church digging heels into trench warfare on this issue, we need to create safer, more loving communities that young people can share themselves, their real selves, in.
The chilling reality I’ve found during the past year of running a supportive community for Christian LGBT young adults (for both those who are pro-gay marriage and who are pro-celibacy) is the years of unhealthy practices built up because the healthy options of sharing their sorrows and fears about being LGBT in church were closed down. Successful suicide attempts are rare, but attempted ones are not. Nor is self-harm, nor are eating disorders, depression and young boys (in particular) being exploited on internet chat rooms because they have nowhere else they can talk about this. We need to act before this self-reflection fades and we forget how we felt hearing about her death for the first time. Lizzie Lowe’s legacy could be that all our churches become places where it is said, clearly and regularly, to all our children and young people: ‘If you find that you are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or Transgendered you can talk to us about it. We will love, accept, respect and support you as you follow God with whatever you have in life.’
