One of the most interesting elements of this research is that 42% of participants felt their previous experiences were a ‘significant catalyst’ in choosing to become a youth worker. This has led me to mull over how life events motivate us as youth workers and what it means for those who engage with young people who haven’t lived through a significant challenge in childhood. I’m not surprised that two-thirds of respondents lived through challenging childhoods, but we need to remember that sometimes these things are subjective and the way we interpret them will be influenced by many other factors, such as our personality traits and how well we felt we were supported at the time.
I self-harmed extensively as a teenager, and am now the director of selfharmUK. My experiences of adolescent self-harm certainly inform my work, but equally I’m always very clear that you don’t need to have lived through self-harm, or even fully understand it, in order to reach those who need support. I can remember one particularly dark day when I muttered aloud through tears that I hoped to ‘one day use all this for good’. I wanted – needed – to believe that what I was enduring was for a ‘reason’, and that it was all one big prep class for something much more significant to help other people. In moments of pain we often cling to Romans 8:28 and believe that, ‘In all things God works for the good of those who love him.’ Sometimes this does translate into the work we do and how we do it.
ALL LIVED EXPERIENCES ARE VALUABLE
We’ve made it through our teenage years (and for some of us, our twenties are a thing of the past too) and we have a wealth of experiences behind us. According to the research, two-thirds of youth workers faced significant challenges, but that doesn’t mean the experiences of the other third are any less crucial for the young people we support today. Living through abuse, bereavement or parental separation can enable empathy and may help us to feel more effective in our role, as highlighted by 85 per cent of people who took part in the research, but it’s important we don’t just look at an issue through the lens of our own experiences; sometimes having no personal understanding can be just as helpful as it means we default to seeing things only through the eyes of the young person in front of us. The perspectives of my colleagues who have never self-harmed are no less valid than mine and are actually often more objective, so don’t ever be disheartened when faced with something you’ve not personally encountered. A happy, uneventful childhood brings as much to youth work as a challenging one does, and if God uses ‘all things’, that includes our good and positive experiences as much as the difficult moments.
THE PAST CAN’T BE UNDONE
Through my original desire to make past experiences count I have learnt – painfully at times – that no matter where my work takes me and regardless of how many young people I help, I cannot undo my own past. I can support thousands of young people struggling with self-harm but it’ll never change what I lived through or why things happened as they did. There are epiphany moments, of course, but we can’t let ourselves be driven to work with young people in order to repair the past or avoid confronting the things we may still continue to struggle with. I’ve met youth workers who are very driven to help young people, but sometimes it actually stems from a need to help themselves. Brokenness is in no way a barrier to working with young people – it’d be a very quiet community if it were – but our brokenness can’t be the primary catalyst for doing what we do. Our young people can’t fix us or patch up what’s gone before; only God can do that, and reassuringly he will continue to use us while he works in us.
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING REAL
In addition to the two-thirds already mentioned who had challenging life experiences, 20 per cent of participants also identified with having additional needs such as dyspraxia, ADHD and dyslexia. The disciples weren’t called because they had lives free of challenges, and neither are we as youth workers. I know I’m guilty of having stood on stages and spoken as someone who appears to have life easy, when in reality I still have my struggles and battle daily with the things I find difficult. One of the biggest barriers in overcoming self-harm is a belief that recovery means a life that is perfect and uneventful, and we all know no such thing exists. Being real about the things you find tough – tailored to the context you’re in - is the greatest gift we have at our disposal; hiding who we are and the obstacles in our path denies our young people an opportunity to glimpse honest, real life. Our past experiences and ongoing issues – good or bad – are what make us who we are, and give authenticity to what we are trying to do and the young people we want to reach. It all matters.
These are my reflections, and come from my experiences. Yours may differ, and that’s okay, because that’s the whole point. My perspective may never be the same as someone else’s, but by grace I don’t understand, God will use this wounded healer as much as he will anyone else – and for that I am eternally thankful.
