When I worked with schools in South London, a well-liked sixth former tragically and suddenly died from a fatal mix of alcohol and an undiagnosed heart problem. I was part of the counselling team in school the day after and will never forget the palpable sensations of loss and turmoil which oozed through every corridor. The devastating event had left a whole community confused and heartbroken.
The grief rolled into our youth group where one of his friends attended. For a time afterwards, this young lad’s agony entirely altered the shape and culture of our meetings. It was like the Old Testament character Job had come to join us for a time.
Tragedy is a part of reality, and when that bitter piece of reality bites your youth group, will you be prepared to accept and handle it? What will you do when Job is in the room?
Who is Job?
Job is one of the most bewildering case studies in the Bible. On the one hand, his is a simple story of riches to rags, and back to riches again. On the other, he is a complex tapestry of tragedy and lament, blended with horrifying counsel from his friends and an ensuing court case against God. Job had lost everything: home, business, health, and most of his family in a series of sudden, dramatic events. His story is a dissatisfying tale of woe with an infuriating lack of closure.
Tragedy affects everyone, and young people are not immune.
These feelings of dissatisfaction and misery are the calling cards of tragedy, and they carry with them an aura that affects everyone nearby. Although Job’s motley crew of friends were able to sit with him quietly for a while, they couldn’t indefinitely hold back their frustration at Job’s plight. They wanted to ‘solve his problem’ and move on with their own lives. Their ‘theologically sound’ reasons for Job’s suffering ranged from karma, to hypocrisy, to claiming that Job was just a downright wicked man!
Eventually - after brutally dismissing his three friends and treating a younger, rather vocal bystander with complete indifference - Job faces off with God in a legal challenge. God’s response completely passes over Job’s plight and lifts his perspective to the massiveness and incomprehensible nature of exactly who God is.
Most Bible versions translate Job’s last words in chapter 42 verse six as ‘I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes,’ meaning Job must have somehow done something wrong to deserve his situation. However, a more accurate translation would be ‘I take it all back’ or ‘I withdraw my case,’ suggesting that, in light of meeting with the God of the universe, he had now moved through the stages of grief into acceptance.
When does Job appear?
Tragedy affects everyone, and young people are not immune. Job really could just show up at your youth group one day! Either in the form of a new person with a past, or a regular whose world is suddenly turned upside down.
Divorce, displacement, bereavement, drug culture and anything else that strikes with the power of an atomic bomb, will dramatically reshape a person. You might find yourself with Job in your youth group at any time.
What to do when Job shows up?
Without a clear lead from you, there can be a chasm of division right where Job stands in your youth group. You’ll get people on one side who simply don’t have the understanding or maturity required to be anything but distant or distracting. On the other side there will be empathisers and sympathisers who run the risk of smothering Job - or coldly trying to ‘solve’ his problem. Just like in the Bible, eh?
Here are 5 things you can do for when Job shows up:
1. Prepare for tragedy before it happens
You should talk about tragedy beforehand, allow your group to ask questions, and create a culture that will be prepared for it when it strikes.
Run sessions on tragedy, death, loss and separation with lots of room for discussion and application. Always include messages of God’s strength, healing and passion for reconciliation. Talk about healing processes and invite them to think about how that might work.
Tragedy is part of this broken world, but God’s delight is to put broken pieces back together
In preparation for this article, I asked some young people in my group what they would do ‘if Job showed up.’ This allowed us to pre-think though what Job would need. It’s a question that I’d recommend for any group!
2. Communicate clearly and creatively
Take the lead on communication - don’t leave it for the gossip train. It’s a million times harder for a group to respond appropriately if they feel like they’re being shielded from the facts of what’s going on.
With the permission of Job (and without breaching personal or confidential boundaries), you should look for early opportunities to explain clearly and factually what has happened and what is needed. Allow questions and delicately address gossip and misunderstandings.
You may need to explore creative ways of talking about the situation in order to speak to different learning styles and abilities, perhaps journaling or a role play. Just make sure that you remain sensitive to Job in the process!
3. Create intentional space
Tragedy breeds fear and uncertainty. Don’t underestimate how different people will react - you might be surprised how deeply shocking new experiences of grief are to some, and how detached others can seem to those same experiences. Closer friends will feel it more deeply - as might those who haven’t been exposed to a Job situation before.
Give intentional space to explore and respond to the issues, with people on hand to talk. Giving your leaders training on person-centred listening techniques and grief stages is well worth the time and expense!
Finally, help your group to consider what space Job and Job’s family might need too.
4. Allow young people to be healers
Giving young people the permission to be channels of God’s healing power is an incredible and enlightening experience! We should encourage them to listen for God’s words, share with and pray for Job.
With some gentle care and direction, young people can help us powerfully move through grief and mourning while imploring God to act his transformative and healing power on broken situations. This dramatically galvanises your group, gives young people real spiritual responsibility for each other, and it works! God loves answering the cries of His children.
5. Assign individual support
Finally, it’s oftentimes important to put one leader with Job for a while. This can be from a distance with a weather eye - or intentionally with them throughout each group element.
Not only does this allow Job to feel safe with an extra ring of security, but it also makes the group feel more comfortable knowing that Job is being cared for at all times.
Tragedy is part of this broken world, but God’s delight is to put broken pieces back together. We are instrumental tools in his hands for this, so let us - together - prepare for Job with the compassion and clarity that God himself shows to us.
Tim Gough is centre director at Youth For Christ Llandudno
