The theory
Every day we draw lines at what we deem to be an acceptable risk. Each time we cross the road we make a choice about what we will risk, and when we’re in a hurry sometimes those lines get crossed. I’ve been hit by a car when crossing the road and now know where the boundaries lie - most would say I should have already known. Often in our youth work practice we don’t take the time to reconsider our boundaries; it may be that we have inherited acceptable boundaries with the role. Time taken to consider what the boundaries we should put in place to keep young people safe are, and what boundaries we should reconsider to pursue relationships, is well spent. In our interactions with young people we can often stray from the extremes of being oversensitive or too cavalier.
In the role of youth worker we accept a position, whether paid or voluntary, of responsibility. By the very act of accepting this position we draw a line between the young people and us: a boundary. Different workers and organisations all draw lines as to what is appropriate and administer consequences if it is crossed. So who are the boundaries for and when should we speak out to change them?
The majority of local council-run youth services advocate for a clear distinction between your private life and your youth work activities. Advice given to social workers on The Guardian website include:
• Don’t complement a client on their looks.
• Don’t share personal information like money or relationship problems.
• Don’t see them outside of work time.
Yet for the youth worker in the local church it is often the case that boundaries can get blurred. The youth worker may live and work within the same community, and this is often seen as preferable. The workplace (ie church) may also be a place that the youth worker is at when not ‘on the job’, and they even may live in or next to the church. A youth worker’s home may also be an office and place where they host young people. It may seem that in some cases, boundaries in secular youth work do not exist in faith-based work.
Boundaries and relationships
At the core of youth work practice is relationships. As workers of faith we endeavour to build relationships of authenticity, yet in the same moment we place boundaries that seem to prevent that authenticity. If we are in the business of building relationships, how much of ourselves do we, and the young people we work with, expect us to share?
Part of our role is to develop relationships with young people which are authentic and intimate. The purpose of those relationships is to know those young people and to work with them to bring about a transformation - our hope being that they will grow towards a deeper understand of God, themselves and the world around them. There are many descriptions of the role of the youth worker - companion, teacher, mentor - we take the time to walk with them on their journey and yet we are not quite friends.
As we continue to journey with young people, there is a need to take stock of where we are in our walk with them. Sam Richards provides this helpful diagram to help us consider this. We must aim to stay in the ‘zone of helpfulness’ where we can most effectively provide support to young people. Straying into under-involvement leads to the youth workers distancing themselves and not being authentically present with the young people. Straying into over-involvement means that young people can become our entire focus.
INCARNATION
‘The word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighbourhood’ John 1:14, The Message
Often, as our mandate for youth work, we take the incarnation of Christ as our example. We see our all-powerful God leaving heaven to become completely human and dwell among us. Likewise, as youth workers we aim to be fully present with young people, entering their world in all its beauty and mess. Some choose to live out their calling by embracing the community outside of the walls of the church. Many projects exist in which youth workers move into communities where young people are hard to reach, and bring themselves and the gospel to them.
Yet, as incarnationally as we might want to be, we still need to be professional. It may be inappropriate to share our deepest secrets with young people, and yet we try to navigate ourselves into a position where they may share theirs with us.
Dangers
The dangers arise in relationships with young people when those relationships begin to fill a gap in you. It is fine for you to be honest about and share some troubles with young people in a moment when they ask if they can pray for you. By doing this you are admitting your own weaknesses and doubts which makes you human rather than appearing to be a superhero. Problems arise and boundaries are crossed when young people become ‘friends’ that you go to for you own personal support. As youth workers we occupy a position of power over young people and the nature of that imbalance means we can never be friends. It is never acceptable to take advantage of vulnerable people or abuse your position of authority, but when the aim is to get to know someone, to build up trust, to offer help and support, then it is not always clear where the professional boundaries lie. You are not their friend – you will need to keep boundaries to ensure you are not seen that way, while at the same time remaining approachable and accessible. Authentic relationships are based on give and take, but as youth workers we are called to sacrifice are own needs and only give; our own nourishment must come from other places.
The experiment
Sophie Jackson is a pioneer youth minister and project manager at St Saviour’s, Nottingham.
"Our church seeks to raise disciples by living our lives alongside each other, inviting people to learn how we do life as a whole. We are hoping to echo how Jesus invested in his disciples, living in community together with them and living out their faith together.
Doing this as the youth worker, with young people, raises a few questions of child protection (to say the least!) and has led us down a path where mistakes have been made, but fruit has been growing too.
We decided to open up our home when we first moved into the estate, both at specific times in the week, where a number of youth leaders would be present, and also to make it clear to the young people that if they needed somewhere to run to, if at all possible, we would open the door. It was made easier because my husband and our housemate Thom were all involved in the youth work, and as such were CRB-checked and committed to the young people of the area.
We believe that meeting in homes, sharing our time and other resources, is a way to closely echo the early Church, which seems like a good model to learn from. We wanted to create a feeling of a loving, extended family on a mission together among the young people and adults who shared the vision to create a community of living faith.
We also felt that sharing our whole lives and inviting the youth into our home gave us a proper openness with the young people, showing that we are willing to share all of who we are with them, not just who we can be for them in an artificially-created session. They loved it, and kept coming back, just to be a part of our family home.
We have had teenagers helping us build furniture, playing with our guinea pig, helping our friends move house with us, cooking our evening meal (sometimes they have stayed to share it with us) and many of the girls came to hold our little boy when he was a few days old as we kept connected during my maternity leave. We have run Alpha in our home, worshipped God and prayed for each other in our living room.
Problems arose for us when we were running a youth-focused session in our home and were a leader short, but went ahead with open house anyway. So our main learning has been to never compromise on having at least leaders in the room. Which deep down as youth workers we all know, but in that moment I made the wrong call. The young people got up to what later seemed like pre-planned mischief in the (literally) five minutes they were unsupervised and behaved inappropriately towards each other while they were supposed to be playing a round of hide and seek. The effects have been far-reaching, knocking our numbers in all the sessions we run and affecting our relationships with some of the families.
Nearly a year later, the dust finally seems to be settling, but it is hard not to still think ‘what if’. Yet we haven’t given up. We are determined to continue sharing our lives with the young people. There are now a couple more boundaries, and the pre-existing ones are enforced more vigilantly. We are looking at how we only invite the young people into our lives this far when they are ready to at least respond to some form of call from Jesus. We are still learning and experimenting, but believe strongly that it is worth the mess."
Experiment yourself:
A good sense of your own boundaries and the tension between protection and flexibility will help you avoid the equally menacing extremes of playing with fire or driving in oven gloves. Take the time to consider these questions by yourself, with your team, or with a line manager.
What boundaries exist in your work with young people? Who sets them? Are they appropriate?
What boundaries have you put in place to ensure the young people you work with are safe?
What boundaries have you put in place to ensure your own protection?
What boundaries do you think may need to be redefined in order to live more incarnationally?
What distinguishes your relationship with a young person from a friendship with a peer? Do you know the difference? Do the young people?
Do you have agreed boundaries for your young people, and volunteers? What procedures will you follow if these are broken?
