I have loved every second of doing youth ministry, but back at the beginning of 2015 I received news of a dear friend committing suicide. Then a couple of months after, while I was at work, I got a phone call from a brother of another friend who had been involved in a car accident and lost his life.
So here I was after losing two friends, trying to talk to the young people about God, thinking, ‘how am I now going to talk to these young people week in, week out, about a God who is so loving and who has a perfect plan for our lives?’ During this time, I found it extremely hard to share my faith with my youth group. To share about a loving God when I wasn’t really feeling his love was a terrible experience. It felt untrue; it felt as if Satan was just using these terrible circumstances for evil. It was such a blessing to receive texts quoting Romans 8:28, ‘And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to his purpose.’ Verses like these are wonderful to read but hard to apply when you are dealing with death.
This was an extremely hard time. I felt very cautious with the things I said; I knew that this situation would bring glory to God, but I was unsure as to how. I didn’t see it, I couldn’t see it. I was struggling – not doubting my faith in God, or whether he was real – what I was finding extremely hard was deeper than that: my head and heart were wrestling with each other. When teaching the Bible on a Sunday night and sharing during youth club on Friday, the thing that kept coming up was God’s faithfulness and his beautiful and perfect plan. My heart was screaming that these things are true, but my head was asking, ‘if this is true then what’s the purpose in the two deaths that you are dealing with?’ So what helped me through this?
A Supportive team
Apart from my relationship with God, one of the ways that I was able to deal with everything I was going through and the question of how this situation would bring glory to God was the team behind me. In the church I am serving at, I have a wonderful team of believers and leaders who are here to support me. I feel that this is sometimes one thing that can get lost during all our busy times with the young people.
We are all part of a team, we are all part of Christ’s body, and when one part of it hurts, the rest are there to support them. The team we work with in youth ministry are not there just to be another pair of hands when we are doing BBQs or another person to humiliate during youth talent shows (although these things are obviously vital!), they are there to support each other. In the months surrounding my two friends’ passing, I was able to go to my team and talk to them about how I was feeling and how hard it was, while they would sit and listen and pray for me.
A message for all of us
This is not just for youth leaders, but for the wider Church. We are all part of the body of Christ. We are all on the same team, with the same mission to see people come to Christ, to change from their old ways and live a new life with Christ. One thing that I have tried to impart with the Christian young people in our church is that Christians need the support of each other. Friendships within the Church may not be built on the fact that both people like playing Xbox, or like the same music; friendships are built on the fact that they both love Christ.
If you end up facing a similar situation, with your heart wrestling in the same way, go to your team, whoever they may be; you may have a team of youth leaders alongside you, or just some great friends who are Christians. Go to them. Fellowship is never a bad thing, only good can come from fellowship with other believers – sitting and talking about the Bible and sharing scripture with each other is going to comfort you. The Bible says, ‘His word never returns void’ (Isaiah 55:11).
Pray
Fellowship and prayer go hand in hand, having people pray over you and over the situation you are in is such an encouragement: knowing that other Christians have your back and are going to God on your behalf. Prayer works. We see that so many times throughout the Bible and throughout our day to day lives.
I can say that although the scars still remain of my friends’ deaths, the wounds have been healed by God, through prayer, through fellowship with other believers and through fellowship with my team. ‘Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptised by one Spirit so as to form one body — whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free — and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.’ 1 Corinthians 12:12-14.
John-Peter Charlton is a youth pastor in South East England.
