Who am I?
10 minutes
Ask for a volunteer to come to take part in a game. Show them a card with a well-known character from a film or TV show. The rest of the group has to ask ten ‘yes’ or ‘no’ questions, before attempting to guess the character. The group has three opportunities to guess correctly, before the volunteer tells them the correct answer!
Ask the group to turn to the person next to them and discuss whether or not this character would make a good boyfriend / girlfriend. After 30 seconds, gather some quick feedback. Repeat as many times as you like, inviting the winner to assume the next character.
Values
10 minutes
Say: When it comes to building a healthy and happy relationship, we need to lay the foundations well. One way we can do this is to think about what we value in a relationship before we find ourselves in one. It’s much easier to build a relationship on a predetermined set of values, than to put new values in later. It’s a bit like building a house; if the foundation is there from the beginning the house is likely to stand firm during a storm, but if it’s built with no foundation, when a storm comes, it could crumble and fall apart.
On a table in the middle of the group, lay out pieces of paper with different values written on (one value per piece of paper). Give each person a pen and ask them to put a tick (or a heart, star etc) on the top three values they think are essential in a healthy relationship. Once they have finished, find the three values with the most ticks and read them to the group. Ask the group whether they agree or disagree that the top three are the most important values in a relationship, and why? (Possible values: faithfulness; respect; honesty; integrity; positivity; gratitude; forgiveness; acceptance; faith in God; encouragement; ambition; creativity; same life goals; confidence; consistency; empowerment; depth; intimacy; empathy; compassion; love; grace.)
Song lyric challenge
10 minutes
Ask the young people to get in to small groups. Give each group a pink highlighter, a yellow highlighter and a print-out of the lyrics to four current songs in the charts that talk about sex, relationships and love.
Ask the young people to highlight in yellow the lyrics that talk about a positive, healthy relationship, and to highlight in pink the lyrics that talk about a negative, unhealthy relationship. Allow five minutes for this exercise. Ask the groups to feedback on the following questions:
- Which song portrays the healthiest relationship?
- Which song portrays the least healthy relationship?
- Out of the four songs, which line or lyric is your favourite, and why?
- Out of the four songs, which line or lyric is your least favourite, and why?
Discussion
10 minutes
How does music and the media portray relationships? If you’re working with an older group you may want to watch the ‘A history of wooing women’ video. This short video takes us on a tour of love songs through the decades, and the change in language is dramatic. (Note of caution: the video contains many bleeped out swear words.) Ask the group what they think of the changes that have taken place in the music industry when it comes to the portrayal of relationships.
Biblical relationships
20 minutes
Say: Now we’ve explored the relationship values that our culture presents, we’re going to spend some time exploring a few relationship values that we see in the relationships that Jesus has with his friends and disciples.
Set up three stations around the room, each based around a biblical value. Ask them to go around the room, and at each station read the definition and the Bible story and then follow the instruction for the reflective activity.
Compassion
Definition: sympathy and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.
Bible passage: Matthew 20:29–34
Prayer response / activity: Who in the world needs compassion? It might be a people group, it might be a friend at school, it might be a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Think of three ways you are able to show compassion to that person or group this week.
Courage
Definition: the ability to do something that frightens you; being brave; strength in the face of pain or grief.
Bible passage: John 14:27
Prayer response / activity: Before Jesus left his disciples and ascended to heaven, he told his disciples not to be afraid, and that he was leaving them with the gift of peace. In which areas of your life do you need to know God’s peace, so you can let go of fear and become courageous?
Communication
Definition: the imparting or exchanging of information by speaking, writing or using some other medium.
Bible passage: James 1:19
Prayer response / activity: It’s important to spend time listening before we speak. If we have fallen out with a friend, parent or partner, sometimes we can make the situation worse if we respond before we listen. Think about someone in your life who you need to resolve an issue with. Fold your piece of paper in half and imagine you asked them how they were feeling, write down what you think they might say. Now spend a few minutes thinking about the best and kindest way to respond, then write down what you would say on the other half of the piece of paper.
Bring the group back together and get some feedback, if the young people are willing to share what they thought or prayed about.
