Sarah was new to our youth group of early teens, and she made quite an impression, even on her first visit. Sarah was one of those 12 year-olds who aspired to be 25 and did everything she could to look suave, urbane, and ‘oh so hip’. She gravitated toward the girls in the group who were from home-schooled backgrounds and she loved to quote the most lurid lyrics of her favourite songs. Sarah, it seemed, knew sexually explicit lyrics from every song in every language that had ever been written.
Mike, also 12, mixed well with others in the group. His behaviour, however, seemed a bit odd. Sometimes he was silent, off to himself, ‘participating’ physically but with his mind somewhere else. Other times he was loud, bossy, and loved to cheat to win in any kind of youth group game. We began to wonder if he was also a thief, as certain items around the church had recently gone missing.
Sarah and Mike were, I came to find out, ‘nones’. That is, they had zero background in the Christian faith, not from anyone: family, friends or relatives. Sarah’s ‘home’ was a warzone: a mother mostly away at work and a father who came home to argue, sometimes violently, with her mother. Mike’s parents were married and commuted between Los Angeles and New York City. When Mike was eight they delivered Mike to a grandparent 1200KM away from Los Angeles with the words, ‘We can’t handle him, and don’t want him.’ The grandparent thought a church might be helpful, so Mike was delivered to us weekly on Wednesday nights.
The British Social Attitudes Survey as well as the Census asked questions about religious identification. These surveys indicated that 25 per cent of UK residents identify themselves as having no religion or religious preference. It makes good sense, then, that some of the young people who we encounter in detached or even church-based youth ministry will also be nones. How do young people become nones, and how can we reach them, and their parents? I believe there are four roads to noneness
NONE VIA FAMILY CONTEXT
These young people come from a family background in which religion and faith are not modeled or discussed. They are unlikely to be hostile, skeptical, or cynical and only carry in their head the awareness that some people are religious, whatever that may mean.
How and why do these nones end up in our youth group meetings? I’m sure you would agree that it is not because of slick advertising, but rather they show up invited by a friend and with that friend. I love to have the core young people name and pray for five of their ‘most wanted’ friends, that they would love to come to youth group and come to faith. I like weekly youth group meetings that are certainly for the spiritual growth and encouragement of Christian students but are understandable and accessible to ‘none’ background students as well.
A variety of things in the context of these meetings may help a brought-friend become open to belonging in the group, and then open to the gospel. Then some will go further and realise that indeed, faith has sprouted in their hearts and they are ready to self-identify as a follower of Christ. What ‘programme features’ help this happen? Worship can certainly be one these. Seeing peers obviously engaged with something (actually, someone) beyond themselves may trigger a feeling of wonder or curiosity.
Another thing that deconstructs noneness in young people is when they experience a youth gathering or meeting that is studentled. I am a fanatic about getting kids up front to lead in any way I can. When I teach, in a typical 20-minute Bible lesson, I never speak cumulatively more than seven minutes, often it is less. I have students leading pieces of the lesson-experience and a decent chunk of time is spent in small group discussion and processing the material at hand. Nones who experience a youth ministry that has a high percentage of time in which students are up-front, experience a sort of paradigm shift over the course of their evening and subsequent weeks of youth group attendance. They see peers who love their faith, and over time what once was literally inconceivable, as they had no experience or categories for it, becomes imaginable, even possible, even desirable. I have seen this happen hundreds of times. So we can engage none students and help them on a path from non-faith to faith, but what about parents? I find that some none parents who are providing their kids nothing when it comes to faith, belief, or faith reality at home are actually very open to me as a Christian youth worker and the idea that their son or daughter is becoming interested in a Christian youth group. Sometimes single parents feel desperate, especially single mothers of boys. If our student ministry actively engages the adolescent son or daughter in what are deemed ‘positive activities’, the religious content of these activities is seen as virtually irrelevant to this grateful parent.
A second kind of none parent who seems wide open to their son or daughter’s involvement in a Christian youth group is one going through some kind of crisis or chronic stress themselves. I find that these parents feel guilty that they are not providing for their children as well as they would like. But, behold, a youth ministry that is geared to draw in the son or daughter and provide friendship, not to mention transportation to and from, financial help (when needed), an opportunity to try new things, the chance to learn new skills and have new experiences, the opportunity to feel good about themselves in helping others... the list can be pretty impressive to stressed out parents.
NONE VIA BEHAVIOURAL PREFERENCE
Here we have students who perceive that religion will suppress their ability or desire to party, ‘act out’, or be sexually active. They typically do not just show up in our youth group meetings to check things out. Instead, they avoid anything to do with religion. I have seen only one path (with two subsequent branches) that may lead a ‘none via behavioural preference’ student to faith.
That only path is the proximity of a peer, a friend, who is an actual practising Christian of living faith. The none student may understand that this friend is religious, even Christian, but, in an ‘oh so modern way’, affirms that it is ‘their choice’ or ‘it’s fine for them, but it’s not for me,’ or ‘Whatever works, just don’t push it on me.’ Knowing an actual practising Christian peer (who also cares about his or her friend’s spirituality) is the first essential step. From there I have seen two additional scenarios in which this kind of young person comes to faith.
The first scenario is that a Christian friend invites this none to something that sounds amazingly fun. It is precisely here that some outsiders may heap criticism on Christian youth ministry and its emphasis on fun, even crazy fun. I’ve used (ok, get those tomatoes ready to throw) jelly wrestling and regional scavenger hunts as special events. My students find it very easy to invite a friend to high profile unusual experiences. I’ve used retreats or trips to desired destinations as outreach. For example, my Seattle and Vancouver youth group students found it very easy to invite friends to ski or snowboard retreats. In the context of fun events or amazing retreats I’ve seen noneness get deconstructed, but not through teaching or preaching, just by being with Christian peers and seeing first-hand that one does not have to be drunk, high, or in bed to have a great time.
A second scenario or path to deconstructing noneness here is if a teenager experiences a crisis that he or she cannot handle. A none in crisis surveys their world and eventually wonders about that one Christian friend: ‘Can she help me?’ ‘What does he have that I don’t?’ I find that parents of none-via-behavioural-preference students are often profoundly grateful for the potential positive influence of a Christian youth group on their wayward son or daughter.
NONE VIA INTELLECTUAL ISSUES WITH CHRISTIANITY
As a youth pastor I have occasionally met these students in the context of being with my young people getting coffee, ice cream, or a burger on their own turf. I get introduced and I can see the look in their eyes reflecting their thoughts: ‘Poor stupid soul… I know my friend here thinks this guy (me) is great, but how can he be so dumb…’ Sometimes they’ll smile and fire a question or two at me, something like, ‘So, can God make something so heavy he can’t pick it up?’ I’m told that these friends come away from an encounter with me like that with the comment to my young person, ‘Well, I guess he’s not as dumb as I thought.’ The only way I have seen a none-via- intellectual-issue student come to faith is by virtue of a crisis they do not have the ability to handle on their own. They turn to their Christian friend, and sometimes even to me.
If I were invited to converse with none parents who are likewise skeptical because of intellectual reasons I would first ask to hear their story about how they came to non-faith. I would then ask them if they had read the French scholar Alain de Botton’s book Religion for Atheists: a non-believer’s guide to the uses of religion. De Botton believes that religious faith is nonsense (literally) but that atheists and agnostics should steal the good things that religion creates. From there I would invite them to consider the corpus of social science religiosity research which compellingly shows that living faith is causal of a whole host of positive life outcomes in adolescents and young adults. I would also ask them to consider something that may be, to them, an inconvenient truth: that the relation between living faith and these positive life outcomes is linear, that is, the more living faith, the better off the young person is. (This is outlined in Christian Smith’s book Souls in transition, a book well worth reading.)
Nones can see peers who love their faith, and over time what was once literally inconceivable, becomes imaginable, even possible, even desirable
NONE VIA NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE
We must certainly admit that since the Christian Church is full of people who are indeed human, there is, unfortunately, ample opportunity for persons, young and old, to have a negative experience. The sad thing is, of course, that the rest of us get painted with that same negative brush.
If a none-via-negative-experience student begins to come to youth group (always at the invitation of a vital-faith friend) and I have found out about the background, I don’t do anything other than pray. I observe that (happily) more often than not, the new student seems to enjoy their experience and over time, begins to identify with the group, and even faith. In these cases the caring Christian youth community deconstructs noneness through the fruit of the Spirit lived out before the newcomer.
SARAH AND MIKE REVISITED: FROM NONE TO BELIEVER
Sarah kept coming, and, never shy to speak her mind (about anything), she raised her hand in the middle of our youth pastor’s talk and asked, ‘So exactly how is it that someone becomes a Christian?’ The youth pastor didn’t answer her question directly. Afterwards, Brent, an 11 year-old boy went right over to Sarah with the words, ‘You wanna know Jesus, I’ll help you.’ They went off to a side room, and ultimately Sarah prayed a prayer of repentance and embracing of faith in Christ. Over the coming weeks we saw her change before our very eyes. That hard, lurid, façade melted away and she became a new person from the inside out.
Mike kept coming too. He crossed that line into faith and he was eager to learn more about the Bible and how the Christian life worked. He still struggled, as one would expect, with his parent’s rejection. One night he was uncharacteristically quiet. Afterwards he told me: ‘My parents forgot my birthday again. They always do.’ His voice trailed off ‘…in my whole life I’ve never had a birthday party.’ You can be sure that when Mike walked into the room… ‘SURPRISE!!!!’ We had one massive birthday party for him.
