I’ve heard people say that loud, hilarious, larger-than-life types make better youth leaders. You know the ones - they always seem to have something interesting to say, they can do a talk from a stage with seemingly little effort (which will be annoyingly entertaining and inspiring), and the parents love them. The entire youth group seems to be held together by their charisma, and young people engage well with their ‘effortlessly cool’ and ‘not-too-try-hard’ nature. They are clearly heading for the ultimate gig in the youth worker’s world: to be booked as a festival speaker.
OK, so you may think I’m playing devil’s advocate here – setting up a caricature of a certain type of youth leader only to tear it down again, right? Wrong. There is no strange twist. The aforementioned characteristics offer no crime to the youth work world and, in fact, may make for an excellent youth worker. There is another character-type, however, that I am more interested in. The sort of person who wonders: ‘how does it come so easy to them?’, ‘how do they always think of something to say?’, ‘don’t they ever get scared?’ The type who plods along steadily, perhaps never believing that they are the kind of person who God might use to do big things in the lives of young people. This is the sort of person who may feel timid at times, who needs to take a long time to plan a youth session, and who may feel that they will forever carry the ‘inbetweener’ status they were given at high school – caught somewhere between the coolest of the cool and social outcast.
These seemingly sweeping generalisations have their roots in a current discussion between the media, scientists, psychologists and Average Joes alike. The discussion is about introversion and extroversion. In her book Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking (Penguin, 2012), Susan Cain attempts to tear down preconceptions that, according to her, have shaped modern western society. She questions whether we, in the last century, have unwittingly made our schools, friendships, businesses, work places and, well, just about every area of society (yes that includes churches and youth groups) favour the extrovert. This affects us as youth leaders. In fact, it more than affects us, and the truth is that some of us may have been living under painful insecurities that, frankly, needn’t be there.
Often called the ‘single most important aspect of personality’, whether we are introverted or extroverted is said to affect how we choose friends, partners and careers. It impacts how we make conversation, resolve differences, how likely we are to exercise, commit adultery, function well without sleep, learn from our mistakes and be good leaders. Contrary to popular belief, shyness is not dependent on personality type; both introverts and extroverts can be shy.
Imagine a spectrum going from introvert through to ambivert (in the middle) all the way to extrovert. We all fall somewhere on this scale, somewhere between a third and a half being introverts. Some of us are slightly introverted or slightly extroverted, whereas some are extremely biased to one side. All of us have some introverted and extroverted tendencies, but whichever one we hold more of will determine our type. These are not boxes which define us and there are many exceptions to the rule. Generally though, most of us will lean towards one of these two types.
Attempting to over-compensate for personality is something that is easy to do and can be destructive. During University, particularly in the last year, I was attempting to live up to a standard I had set for myself. In short, I held an underlying belief that the way to be happiest, most productive and most valuable as a person was to become busy with a lot of worthwhile things. In the space of a year, I went on a spontaneous mission trip to Albania, moved into a new flat, got engaged, planned a wedding, did the final year of my degree, got married, moved into a new house in East London and got involved with a church re-plant, all while constantly socialising with people. I was also struggling with feelings of being unproductive, failing to see the complete irony in this. To cut a long story short, ignoring my introverted needs meant that I burnt out and got very ill for almost a year. I was in no way in tune with my introverted need for stillness.
The 'Super-Star Leader'
It seems, however, that I am not the only one to feel discomfort with the boundaries of personality type. Both Susan Cain and Adam McHugh, author of Introverts in the Church (IVP, 2009), make the case that many modern Evangelical churches have fallen into the cultural tendency to favour the extrovert. ‘The emphasis is on community, on participating in more and more programmes and events, on meeting more people... there is a restless energy to evangelicalism that leads to a full schedule and fast pace,’ says McHugh. He shows how, in a recent survey, 97 per cent of people asked considered Jesus to be an extrovert. He comments, ‘If human perfection, epitomised in the person of Jesus, includes extroversion, then a huge number of the population falls short.’ In fact, McHugh says that countless introverts have come forward and admitted to feeling left out in an ‘extroverted church’. Worryingly, their misplacement can lead to the thought that God isn’t pleased with them, says Cain.
Cris Rogers, former vicar of Soul Survivor youth Church, Harrow, believes that this pressure extends to youth workers : ‘The attitude of churches employing youth workers can be, “we’re paying you, we can’t really afford it, so you need to work hard.” Youth workers are often on a treadmill, juggling all the needs of the youth at the same time. There is pressure to grow their youth groups, and pressure to be available all the time. This means introverts are forced into being like extroverts.’ Cris is not alone in thinking this, and McHugh believes that there is a pressure in Church leadership on different levels to be a ‘superstar leader’; someone who manages to shine at every aspect of the job, who gets by on very little down-time and who is available at all points. Busyness is sexy. Needing lots of rest, well, isn’t. This pressure may be hitting the introverts hardest, as they are more likely to find it difficult to focus on lots of things at once, and get exhausted by too much activity and interaction with people.
Mike Pilavachi, founder of Soul Survivor, is an introvert and believes that this model of a ‘super leader’ is unbiblical: ‘Youth workers are often expected to be all-singing, all-dancing…but a youth leader who [purposefully] functions in all areas is modelling something sinful and horrific. This is an individualistic leadership that says “it’s all about me”… and suggests insecurity.’ In his own leadership role he chooses to have a whole team of people who help in the areas he is weaker in. ‘Me and Crofty(Andy Croft) have extroverts that work with us, and when we go on trips they enjoy networking with people while we need time to recharge,’ he says. Cris Rogers makes sure that his extroverted tendencies do not make his leadership too one-sided by surrounding himself with introverts: ‘The assistant vicar and main youth leader at the church I lead are both introverts; you need people around you who will challenge you.’
The 'Shiny' Ministry
As well as creating this desire to want to be ‘everything’, discontentment with our introverted or extroverted tendency can also lead us down the path of jealousy. What we think of when we imagine an extremely successful youth leader, for example, is telling. Someone who started a city-wide youth initiative may generally be considered more appealing than someone who leads a small youth group in their local church. Equally, someone who delivers passionate and inspiring talks from a stage, or a youth leader who has a fast-growing youth group, might be considered to have ‘made it’. There is more ‘buzz’ around this type of person; more attention paid to what they are doing.
There is however, a danger when introverts look at extroverts and want that ministry because it’s bigger and shinier. This is because there is a natural difference between the ways introverts and extroverts work. Introverts tend to work more slowly and are more focused; they prefer to see deep growth in a specific area, rather than to see shallow growth in a larger area. An extrovert, on the other hand, might focus on the big picture; looking at how they can make large connections and expand quickly. It may be, then, that an extrovert’s ministry is more easily visible, whereas an introvert’s ministry may be more hidden and under the surface. This makes comparison between the two illogical. Our main focus, then, should never be ‘becoming a certain type of leader’. Instead we should ask ourselves: ‘How can I best lead as myself?’
The Balanced Leader
It is only when this foundation of leading as ourselves is established that we are in a safe place to step out of our comfort zones and learn from others. There is a balance to be had between being ourselves and pushing ourselves, and youth leaders who are able to hold onto their own personality style while stepping out in the areas they are weaker in will be better-rounded.
Introverted youth leaders, for example, may need to push themselves into social situations or speaking opportunities in their job where they don’t feel comfortable. While some introverts feel perfectly comfortable in most situations, many don’t. Retreating when your energy is low is one thing, but avoiding aspects of your job because of fear is unhelpful. Choosing to go into situations that you’re uncomfortable with, though, can help you overcome fear, and is a healthy thing to do. When doing this, it is important to just choose one or two things a week that are out of your comfort zone so as to not overstretch yourself and to do plenty of things throughout the week that you enjoy to recharge your energy, and to be easy on yourself afterwards. Don’t analyse how it went, just be satisfied that you stepped out.
An example of an introvert who holds a balance between honouring their natural tendencies and stepping out of their comfort zone is Nicky Gumbel, vicar of Holy Trinity Brompton, who describes himself as an introvert and says that he gets nervous every time he does public speaking. He recognises that God has called him to this, however, and copes by making sure that a big part of his ministry suits his introverted tendencies: ‘I enjoy meeting people one-to-one and I limit how much time I spend in meetings. I build my diary around recharging, making sure I have plenty of time with God, family and playing sports.’
Extroverted youth leaders, on the other hand, may have to push themselves to spend time alone with God and to find their own ways of resting as well. Rest is often seen as stopping and doing nothing but this may be easier for an introvert, and extroverts need to seek a redefinition of rest for themselves. They need to ask themselves: when did I feel the most rested? What do I enjoy doing?
As well as this, extroverted youth leaders who are naturally entertaining and have lots of charisma may need to make sure that they don’t depend too much on this trait in their youth work, although it is a great gift to have. As Pilavachi says: ‘If you entertain someone into the kingdom, you have to keep entertaining them to keep them in. It’s about discipleship.’ For him, meeting with young people one-to-one ensures that he is able to connect with his young people on a deeper level.
Following our callings as youth leaders should never mean that we have to neglect our God given boundaries of personality type; God made us the way we are for a reason. We also cannot all strive towards the same model of an ‘ideal youth leader’. In fact, we can have no perception of what this is at all. All we do is be ourselves, which, I think, is fairly freeing.
Anya Briggs is a church worker and former intern at Youthwork magazine.
Are you an innie or an outie?
For each statement, choose either a or b - whichever feels mostly true for you.
01. a. People think I am easy to get to know b. People think I am difficult to get to know
02. a. People see me as outgoing and lively b. People see me as calm and reserved
03. a. I enjoy meeting lots of new people and enjoy small talk b. I enjoy spending time with people I know well and dislike small talk
04. a. I prefer working in groups b. I prefer working on my own
05. a. I tend to speak before I think b. I tend to think before I speak
06. a. I find it hard to spend too much time alone b. I find it hard to spend too much time with other people
07. a. When completing a task, I welcome phone calls and text messages as interruptions to what I am doing b. When completing a task, I dislike interruptions and often let my phone go to voicemail
08. a. I express my opinions openly b. I keep opinions to myself
09. a. I enjoy focusing on lots of tasks at once b. I enjoy focusing on one task at a time
Count up whether you answered more As or Bs . If you answered more As you are probably an extrovert, and if you answered more Bs you are probably an introvert.
