1. 24 MARATHON:
24 days in Advent – 24 episodes in a series of 24. Easy. What better way to prepare for the coming of Christ than by watching Jack Bauer shoot Russians every day?
2. NATIVITYEMBER:
Stoptober, Movember, Hamuary – all the months have a special theme nowadays. Invite December into the fun with Nativityember: simply dress up as your favourite character from the Nativity for the whole month.
3. BUILD UP SPROUT IMMUNITY:
It’s important to start this one early – eat brussel sprouts for all of December so you can just about tolerate them by Christmas dinner.
4. CHRISTMAS JUMPERS:
What better December attire is there than garish jumpers celebrating snowflakes and reindeers? It’s either that or elf onesies.
5. TELL SMALL CHILDREN THAT FATHER CHRISTMAS ISN’T REAL:
They’ve got to learn, ok?
6. CREATE A BONSAI CHRISTMAS TREE:
Begin with a full-size Christmas tree before using the ancient Japanese art, trimming a small piece off every day until it becomes a shrub by the 25th.
7. PUT TINSEL EVERYWHERE:
Everything can be made more festive with a sprinkling of tinsel: trees, windows, shoes, elderly relatives.
8. CHRISTMAS NAMES FOR YOUNG PEOPLE:
Everyone wants a more Christmassy identity, but very few people have them. Sure, you might have Mary and Holly, but why not adapt your group’s names. For example, Michelle-toe(mistletoe), Rein-Deirdre and of course, Sherlock ho-ho-Holmes.
9. UPDATED CHRISTMAS SONGS:
Why not try some 21st Century carolling? Re-work Sam Smith’s hit: ‘Sleigh with me,’ while Miley Cyrus’ song becomes, ‘Wrecking bauble’.
10. ASK EVERYONE WITH A WHITE BEARD IF THEY’RE FATHER CHRISTMAS:
The ideal way to do this is by tugging their beard, looking into their eyes, raising an eyebrow and saying, ‘Is that you, Santa?’
11. UNHEALTHY CHRISTINGLES:
Back in the good old days, when kids were grateful for a tangerine in their stocking, the novelty of a free orange at a Christingle was enough to get them in to church. NOT TODAY, GRANDMA! Kick fruit out of the Christingle and replace it with a Big Mac with fries sticking out the side of it.
12. TRAVEL EVERYWHERE BY REINDEER:
Why not utilise the most Christmassy of transport options – the reindeer. Not only are they cheap on fuel and good for the environment, they can fly!
13. CREATE A NEW CHRISTMAS TRADITION:
Turkey, presents and carols are old hat – it’s time to create some more traditions of your own. For example: every Thursday is pyjama day, only drink using your left-hand all month, hide in a box for all of Boxing Day.
14. TAKE UP KNITTING:
Home-produced Christmas jumpers, scarves and hats are all the rage in East London. If you get knitting now you’ll be ready to enter next year’s series of The Great British Knit Off.
15. WATCH ALL THE CHRISTMAS FILMS:
For ease, here’s a quick ranking of the top five Christmas films: Die hard, The Muppet Christmas carol, Die hard, Jingle all the way, Home alone, Die hard.
16. YOUTH WORK OFFICE PARTY:
All other jobs get Christmas parties, so why don’t youth workers? A lot of us work on our own so it may be a subdued affair – a bowl of Twiglets for one, please!
17. FIND OUT WHAT EGGNOG IS:
Does anybody know? Did Starbucks create it purely to put in lattes? SO MANY QUESTIONS.
18. SNOW PARTY:
You’ve heard of foam parties, so celebrate Christmas with your young people by hosting a snow party. Simply hire a snow machine and *checks prices online*… OK, cut up lots of paper snowflakes and put them on the floor.
19. PLAN YOUR CHRISTMAS VIEWING:
Scheduling your Christmas TV should be done with the precision of a military operation: how many times is The great escape on? Will anyone watch all of Gone with the wind? Does World’s strongest man clash with the Royal Institution’s Christmas lectures?
20. ADOPT A TURKEY:
Christmas is a tough time of year for turkeys – even if they survive they lose friends to the Christmas cull. Take a stand and support your local turkey by taking it in as a member of the family (and fattening it up for next year).
21. CRACKERS FULL OF CRACKERS:
Not only are the contents of crackers always disappointing, they don’t even live up to their name. This Christmas fill up crackers with Jacob’s Cream Crackers (other brands are available) and watch the looks of bemusement on relatives’ faces.
22. UPDATED CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS:
In The Olden Days™, they used to put coins in the middle of Christmas puddings, but nowadays that’s considered a ‘health and safety nightmare.’ Create a 21st Century alternative by filling the middle of them with pinecones, a scorpion or another, smaller Christmas pudding.
23. SECRET SANTA:
The perennial youth group favourite is all well and good, but mix it up a bit by providing as naff as possible presents. Ideas might include a mask of the vicar’s face, an autograph book with your signature on every page or an advent calendar with a line from One Direction: This is our story behind each window.
24. TAKE SOME TIME OFF:
You’ve worked really hard this year, some stuff seen, but plenty unseen. You’re a lifeline to the young people you work with. You’re absolutely fabulous. Take some time off over Christmas – half an hour between Christmas day services ought to do it.
