It could be that they’ve been unable to build any sort of connection with young people, and that their presence is actually actively discouraging them from attending. It might be that a person has been unable to moderate a behaviour which you’ve repeatedly asked them to change. Or it could just be that when you’re honest, they’re lovely people, but not quite cut out for face-to-face youth work. So, when as a leader you realise that you’re going to have to ask someone to step down from serving in your youth ministry, how do you actually do it? Because while there are inevitably going to be times when it’s right to tell volunteers to stop, there are definitely good and bad ways of doing so.
Few people enjoy conflict, and so sometimes we naturally avoid these kinds of conversations. However, by putting off a necessary but difficult discussion, we usually end up creating a bigger problem down the line. The first key then, is to deal with the issue promptly. Once you’ve decided that you’re going to ask someone to step down, or even if you need to give them some kind of final warning, don’t delay. Doing so risks them hearing about your concern from another source, and only creates more opportunities for the problem to manifest itself.
Young people deserve high standards from those who volunteer
Really importantly – and to the dismay of conflict-avoiders everywhere – you should make every effort to meet face-to-face. Modern communication culture has created a slew of bad habits: breakup texts and flakey social cancellation emails among them. Give people the dignity of a face-to-face explanation unless you hold reasonable concerns that the situation might turn dangerous(!).
Try to meet the volunteer in a context in which they’ll feel most comfortable. That will most likely be neutral ground, but given that the conversation may be sensitive, make sure you consider any factors which might make them feel embarrassed, such as running into young people or other church members. Don’t drag it out or give confusing mixed signals that this is a social occasion - don’t meet them for dinner. There’s no set rule on whether you should meet with a third person present, but you should consider the positive and negative implications of doing so (if there’s a chance that things could somehow turn litigious, you should of course adopt a more formal approach, with minutes taken).
When you meet together, get to the point; don’t spend ages skirting around the issue. If they’re perceptive they’re probably half-anticipating what you’re going to say anyway, and if it’s going to come as a shock they won’t thank you for lulling them into a false sense of security. Of course, allow kindness and compassion to season everything that you say, be pleasant, but don’t allow them to think this conversation is actually going to be about something else.
When you explain, be clear, honest and wherever possible constructive. Paul’s old mantra about speaking the truth, in love is useful here; try to explain your decision in terms of why their behaviour or skill-set makes them unsuitable for the role, and give examples. As they leave, they’ll remember and probably retrace this part of the conversation, so plan carefully in advance what you’re going to say.
As you end the conversation, ensure that you thank the volunteer for their service, and if it’s not too patronising, consider suggesting other ways in which they can either serve the church or support the youth ministry. Could they still pray for your work? If you handle the conversation well, there’s no reason why this couldn’t be seen as a positive conclusion which will prevent them from feeling alienated and rejected.
Having said all of this, there are some important things to consider right back at the other end of the volunteering process, which may well prevent you from ever having to have such a conversation (conflict-avoiders, now is your time to rejoice). Take your requirements for volunteers seriously: write a friendly code of conduct which you expect anyone working with you to adhere to, but perhaps most importantly, think seriously before appointing anyone as a volunteer. When we’re under-resourced, any offer of help can feel like a God-send but the reality is that some volunteers create more problems than they solve. Have high standards for the people you allow to volunteer – your young people deserve that.
Volunteers are the bedrock of youth ministry, sometimes giving thousands of unpaid hours to the work that many of us still do in return for a salary. We must cherish, respect and support them, and those values even extend to when we have to take the difficult step of standing them down. How we treat our volunteers is a key hallmark of a healthy youth ministry – in every stage of their journey with us.
