Question #1 How can I best support children in my group who have been sexually abused?
A. CCPAS is often asked how churches can best support children who have been sexually abused. While many churches are confident in how they should report allegations or suspicions of abuse to the appropriate statutory authorities (police or children’s social services), children’s workers are often apprehensive about knowing how to support those children in the aftermath. Workers want to care pastorally for children in this position, but quite understandably have concerns as to how to do this both sensitively and appropriately as there are a number of considerations to think about.
Children may worry about what will happen to them after they disclose abuse. It is very likely that the police and / or children’s social care will become involved and will act to ensure the safety of the child. This may well include instigating a criminal investigation that could lead to a prosecution. The sexual abuse of children is generally committed by someone known to the child, so this may have longer term implications, for example where a family member is accused of harming the child they may be required to leave the home.
Children may feel guilty for sharing what has happened to them and may blame themselves for the consequences. They may also find it difficult to clearly express themselves as, due to their age, they may not fully understand what they have been exposed to. Abused children can suffer feelings of guilt and shame which, for some, can dramatically affect their lives as adults. They may experience long-term emotional and psychological problems and difficulties in forming relationships later in life. Many feel low self-esteem and often do not know how to show or receive affection without acting sexually. Relieving such trauma can take years of intensive therapeutic work for the child concerned.
It is helpful if church workers in this position can understand some of the behaviours associated with having been sexually harmed. They may include nightmares, phobias or somatic complaints such as eating and sleeping disorders. A child may have difficulty in social environments, such as school, or in children’s groups, perhaps displaying aggressive or bullying behaviour. Alternatively they may be withdrawn and depressed. They may also suffer from anxiety or be fearful. It is helpful in these cases to talk to others who are supporting the child, such as their parents, and any professionals involved in the child’s life.
Counselling is not normally offered to children who have been abused until after a criminal trial has concluded, as consideration has to be given as to whether it may affect the outcome of the case. Since the child becomes a witness, it is important that the counsellor does not suggest what the child should say in court, in order to ensure a fair trial. Appropriate therapies are, however, available when it is deemed necessary and in the best interest of the child; such decisions are made by the relevant professional concerned.
Children’s workers supporting a child prior to trial should not discuss the abuse with the child as this could lead to further disclosures, or accusations that the worker has coached the child. Again, this could affect the outcome of the criminal proceedings. However, workers can provide support and pastoral care in modelling the life and ministry of Jesus towards the child. Jesus’ ministry was always one of tenderness and care towards children. He blessed children and upheld them as models for entering into the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 19:13-14). They were also central to the miracles of healing in his ministry (Mark 5:21-43).
Be clear about your role as a children’s worker, and maintain a trusting relationship with the child concerned. Be approachable and an active listener, but understand your own limits. These include referring the child to other professionals, such as social workers, as soon as any additional help and support is required. Some estimates suggest that one in ten children will experience some degree of sexual abuse at some point. The abused child whom you are supporting is hurting very badly and is desperately seeking someone who can offer stability in his or her life. You can and should be that person.
Simon Bass is the CEO of CCPAS (Churches’ Child Protection Advisory Service) ccpas.co.uk
Question #2 Summer is upon us and our kids’ work room at church is hot and stuffy; I’d love to take the kids outside: what are our options?
A. Taking the children outside is a fantastic way of helping them engage, particularly those who feel confined by the four walls of a hot, stuffy room, and let’s be honest, most of us adults find it confining too! Depending on the space you have, there are loads of ways to utilise the outdoors. Many churches meet in schools or halls with outside access which can be used with great gusto, as children often find they connect much more readily with God through the natural world. Every activity you do inside can also be done outdoors and it becomes more memorable and more exciting for the children (and us!). It goes without saying that any activity off-site requires parental consent; make sure that you give advance warning and follow the necessary procedures.
Bible stories
Telling Bible stories is so much more fun outside: stories can be experienced rather than simply heard by using water (Noah’s ark or Jesus walking on water, making waves and splashes in water for storms) and by using simple bush-craft skills such as shelter building (Israelites in the desert, David hiding from Saul in a cave, God being our ‘hiding place’). Children also enjoy building a ‘story den’ shelter and then sitting inside it to listen to a story. Bible stories come alive in the fresh air.
Nature walk
Depending on the time and space available, taking the children off-site for a walk through some nearby woods can be a valuable activity. Collect interesting items such as conkers, flower petals, autumn leaves, sticks, dollops of mud and stones in pots or small bags. Stop every ten minutes to look at what has been found and pray together. Prayers can be specific (‘thank you God for these flowers’) or more general (‘thank you God that you created our world’). Finding some space to lie down, listen to the sounds of creation and look at the sky, imagining the vastness of God, can also lead to some reflective moments.
Treasure hunts
Before the session, hide treasure or clues around your outdoor space. Allow the children time to hunt and, hey presto, they’ve had time to let off steam and enjoy a treasure hunt at the same time!
Active and messy games
We’ve all led those sessions where the children just need to let off steam but there isn’t enough space; at this point, head outside! Playing together is vital to our children building relationships with one another. Outside is the perfect place for tag (we love toilet tag!), parachute games, chariot racing, games with gunge or paint and other messy activities.
A word of warning – when children breathe in the fresh air they tend to run wild. If you have a large outdoor space, make it smaller by clearly setting the parameters of where the children can go. Explain activities with them lined up against a wall or sitting on the floor, before letting them go free! Watch out for different risks – trips and falls happen more easily outside, and hurt more!
Helen Hodgson leads the children’s and youth work at Gracechurch, Bromsgrove
