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questions on children’s and families ministry
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Question #1 How should children’s workers respond to a concern that a child may be at risk of being harmed?
A. Childhood should be a safe and joyous time for all children, but sadly this isn’t always the case. Many young lives are blighted by abuse, such as Rose, whose story Jane Grayshon so hauntingly describes in her recent book, Goodbye Pink Room (see the interview with Jane on p. 10). Everyone working with children has a responsibility for protecting those in their care, and to respond whenever they are concerned for their welfare, especially if they may have suffered physical, sexual or emotional abuse or neglect. Churches now understand the importance of having safeguarding policies that clearly set out how those workers should respond to disclosure or discovery of abuse. This includes having a safeguarding officer in place (in churches they may go by different names, such as child protection coordinator or children’s advocate) and making sure all workers and volunteers have had child protection training.
Listening to a child
When a child discloses they have been, or are afraid of, being abused, the first step is to actively listen and then to be prepared to take the appropriate action. The immediate response is very important, so the worker must first emphasise that they have done the right thing in telling them and that everything they say will be taken very seriously. Children need to be assured that what has happened to them is not their fault. Be attentive; listen to what the child has to say without interrupting. When they have finished speaking accept what they say (however unlikely the story may sound) by reflecting back the words or short phrases they used. This can act as a prompt for the child to share more, and allows for them to correct your understanding of events, if necessary.
Never promise to keep this information a secret. The children’s worker may need to explain, clearly and gently, that they may have to share what they hear with others, including the person responsible for safeguarding, but this will only be done on a need-to-know basis. Remember that a child in this position may well feel overwhelmed that they have shared details of their abuse and will undoubtedly need lots of support.
What to do after a child has disclosed
Whenever a worker has an immediate concern for the safety of the child they must contact the person with safeguarding responsibility in the church without delay. If they are not available, it would be sensible to call CCPAS’s 24 hour telephone helpline for advice or go directly to children’s social services or the police.
Accurate note-taking is especially important, since a disclosure of abuse may well result in court action. Ideally, make notes of the conversation as soon as possible, preferably within an hour of the meeting, and include a description of any injury a child may have. Include the time and date they were written and sign them at the bottom. Try to record exactly what the child said and how you replied. Set out the context of the conversation, such as what was happening immediately beforehand. These notes must then be given to the safeguarding officer, who in turn will make them available to the statutory agencies.
Concerns about a child
Not all children will disclose, so it is vital that workers are aware of the issues surrounding abuse, are able to recognise its possible signs and symptoms and to respond appropriately. Information indicating that abuse may have occurred can come from a variety of sources. A child may disclose, a concern may be raised by a relative or a friend, or workers may notice a change in their behaviour.
Some physical or emotional signs would give rise to concerns. The former include injuries that are not consistent with the explanations given for them, and changes or regression in mood or behaviour, depression, aggression or anxiety should cause concern. If a child becomes excessively preoccupied with sexual matters, knows too much about adult sexual behaviour, or displays age-inappropriate sexual activity through words, play or drawing, it may well indicate that he or she has been sexually abused.
Whenever a child discloses abuse, or if a worker is concerned about them for any other reason, don’t allow them to suffer as Rose did. Instead, report it immediately, for that single action may well begin the journey of hope, healing and recovery for that abused child.
Simon Bass is the CEO of CCPAS (Churches’ Child Protection Advisory Service). For more information about CCPAS and how it works to protect children, see www.ccpas.co.uk
Question #2 All my volunteers are leaving, what can I do?
A. This is tricky to answer without any more information, but let me give it a go based on what I have observed in other places. Firstly, there may not be anything you can do about it! People join children’s work teams for a variety of reasons and as a result some won’t stick at it - no matter what you do. If people join up to plug a gap or because they wanted to help while their own children were in the group, then the chances are that they won’t stay for the long term.
However, if you’re losing members of your core team then you may have bigger issues that need to be addressed. To be honest, when I say issues it is probably only one: communication. In my experience, most people leave teams because something is making them unhappy; they may feel put upon and underappreciated, they may not like some changes that have been made, they may not feel that they are ‘cut out’ for children’s ministry or have other issues going on in their lives that make the commitment needed to serve in your team too difficult for a period. You’ll notice that none of these issues really need to be resolved by leaving the team; all can be solved if you listen and work on a solution. If opportunities aren’t in place to say this stuff then people will use their feet to communicate with you by leaving the team.
This is why as a diocese we strongly recommend regular review meetings for all your volunteers. It’s easy to see this as rather over the top for a Sunday School helper, but that meeting creates space for all the little things to be said and resolved before they become big issues and someone feels under-valued and wants to leave. Team meetings are also a great forum for this and should be invested in (there are loads of other reasons for these meetings, like a chance to pray together, and groups being more creative than planning alone).
The final point to make is that a churn of volunteers should also remind us that we should always have initiatives in place to recruit new volunteers. The best time to bring in a new volunteer is when you are thriving, not when you’re having a crisis!
Sam Donoghue is the head of children’s and youth ministry support for the Diocese of London, and co-editor of Premier Childrenswork
