Thirtyone:eight share best practice to help parents and guardians discipline their children
When you think about discipline, what comes to mind? Perhaps it brings back memories of how you were treated as a child. Those memories could be positive or negative. As parents, we know discipline is key in helping children become well-balanced and responsible people, but the way you approach discipline can have a lasting impact on your child’s emotional and behavioural development.
What Is Discipline?
Firstly, discipline isn’t just about punishment. It’s about setting boundaries, being a good role model, and helping your child understand what’s right and wrong. Discipline guides your child as they grow, helping them to feel loved, and know they’re safe—even when their behaviour isn’t perfect.
At its core, discipline should be fair, consistent, and always given with love. Kids need to know they’re loved no matter what.
The Biblical Perspective
The Bible teaches that children are a gift from God and should be valued as such. Children can be hard work, but parents are responsible for how they bring up the children entrusted to them. Ephesians 6:4 talks about parental responsibility in this way: ‘…Parents, don’t keep on scolding and nagging your children, making them angry and resentful. Rather bring them up with the loving discipline the Lord himself approves of, with suggestions and godly advice…’
Discipline from a biblical perspective is always restorative. This is the model every parent should use with their children. Delivery is important and as Ephesians 6:4 indicates, overbearing discipline, harsh words and even looks can cause a child to clam up and feel resentful. Jesus is portrayed as a good shepherd (John 10). He knows and understands his flock; he gently leads and guides them (not by the scruff of the neck) and is prepared to lay down his life for them. Every parent or carer should be seeking to follow this example.
Understanding the Law
Current UK legislation protects children (up to 18 years old) from cruel and abusive treatment by their parents or carers. It is against the law for a parent to use physical punishment on their child that causes bruising, either by hitting or using an implement. It’s also against the law for other carers, such as childminders to use any form of physical punishment. The law recognises that children are not their parent’s property but are individuals in their own right who should be nurtured, valued and respected.
In Scotland and Wales, the law is explicit, any form of physical punishment, such as smacking, hitting, or shaking, is illegal.
The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC) states that children have the right to have their best interests considered and to be protected from violence, abuse, and neglect. This would include the physical punishment of children. Thirtyone:eight are campaigning to bring England and Northern Ireland in line with the other UK nations by removing the defence of ‘reasonable chastisement’ to allow children full protection under the law from physical punishment wherever they may live in the UK.
Love in Discipline
While the way love is expressed can vary in different families and cultures, the principle remains the same, children need to feel loved, accepted, and secure. This can be demonstrated in words (praise, encouragement, affirmation) and actions (hugs, kisses, acts of kindness).
As your child grows, the way you express love will evolve. What matters most is that your discipline comes from a place of care and concern for their future well-being. When you discipline with love, you help children feel more secure, which enables them to develop confidence, accountability and self-esteem.
Setting Boundaries
Children test limits as part of their development, this is natural and a sign that your child is growing and learning about their independence. While defiance is a normal part of child development, it’s important to set clear boundaries from an early age so your child learns what is acceptable and what is not.
Boundaries provide children with a sense of security. They help children understand what is expected of them and what consequences may follow if those expectations are not met.
The key to good boundaries is consistency. If the rules keep changing, kids get confused. When they know “No means No” and what to expect if they misbehave, they’ll learn the lessons better. It’s also important for both parents to be on the same page—if one is too lenient and the other strict, kids might try to play them off each other, which only causes confusion.
As your child grows, your boundaries will evolve. What’s appropriate for a toddler may not be suitable for a teenager, so it’s important to adapt your approach as they develop. Firm yet fair boundaries will give your child the tools they need to navigate the world independently and responsibly.
Emphasising Positive Behaviour
Encouragement and praise go a long way in establishing good habits. Evidence shows that positive reinforcement – praising good behaviour and rewarding efforts – is often far more effective than punishment. Children are more likely to repeat positive actions when they are acknowledged and celebrated.
Instead of solely focusing on what your child is doing wrong, try to notice and commend their positive actions.
Dealing with Difficult Behaviour
Of course, there will be times when your child’s behaviour crosses the line and needs to be addressed. In these cases, it’s important to be firm but fair. Consequences, such as time-out or grounding, can be appropriate, when necessary, but they should always be age-appropriate and explained clearly so your child understands the reasons behind them.
Remember discipline is not about punishing the child – it’s teaching them responsibility. It is the behaviour that’s unacceptable, not the child.
Final Thoughts
Disciplining your child can be tricky, but it’s all about finding the right balance. It takes patience, love, and staying consistent. The key is remembering that discipline isn’t just about rules—it’s about helping your child grow into a responsible, confident person. And that’s something they’ll get from having a supportive, loving parent or guardian. By setting clear boundaries, praising good behaviour, and showing them how to act by being a good role model yourself, you’ll help them thrive while making sure they always feel loved, no matter what.
If you have any concerns or questions about discipline contact the Thirtyone:eight helpline on 0303 003 1111 or email helpline@thirtyone.eight
