Alternative Nativity

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Opening news music

MC: Good evening and welcome to the Bethlehem Broadcasting Corporation News at Ten. I’m Mary Christmas.

CM: And I’m Chris Mascake. Coming up on tonight’s show: record numbers descend on Bethlehem, leaving some weary travellers left out in the cold...

MC: Shepherds tell of unusual sightings in the sky above Bethlehem...

CM: Three mysterious pilgrims from the East join us in the studio to tell us about their journey...

MC: And, there’s trouble at the palace. What has upset Herod this time?

CM: Over to Tim Sull, reporting live from Bethlehem.

TS: Good evening. I’m here in Bethlehem, which has been overwhelmed by record numbers of visitors responding to the census called by King Herod. The town is quite literally bursting at the seams and I’m hoping to speak to an innkeeper who has a fascinating story to tell.

Knocks at the door

IK: (from off stage) NO ROOM!

TS: (smiles at camera) Knocks again

IK: (louder) NO ROOM!

TS: (looking worried) Knocks again

IK: (opens door) I SAID NO…Oh hello. Can I help you?

TS: Good evening. I’m Tim Sull from BBC news. How have you coped with the record number of visitors to Bethlehem this week?

IK: Well, I’ve never seen anything like it and my family have been running this inn for generations. I’ve had to turn loads of people away.

TS: I understand there was a couple you couldn’t turn away.

IK: That’s right. This man and wife turned up late last night. She was on a donkey that looked almost as exhausted as she did. They’d travelled a long way and she was pregnant, like really pregnant. She was about to pop. I couldn’t send them away, but I was already full to overflowing, so I suggested they sleep in my stable round the back. And they were so desperate they accepted.

TS: They must have been desperate.

IK: I know. And no sooner had I finished for the night, and was nodding off, when I heard this groaning. Like this: uurrgghhh! It went on for ages. Then everything went quiet and I was just shutting my eyes, then I heard a baby crying! She’d only gone and had the baby. In my stable.

Jo Giles is a volunteer youth and children’s worker and mum of four.