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PREPARATION
Make sure you’ve got a team of older blokes who are willing to share their journey in this area. Be prepared for prayer ministry at the end and follow–up with mentoring or counselling sessions for some or all of the group. Watch the ‘I am second‘ clip from thePremier Youthwork website, and read through the links there. These include six reasons why Page 3 must go, a story of sex addiction, a talk from Youthwork the Conference and a piece on masturbation. It is also worth looking at xxxchurch.com.
MAKING MRS RIGHT
10 mins
Grab some magazines with pictures of women (nothing too racy so avoid lad’s mags). In groups get them to use scissors and glue stick to make a Frankenstein-esque montage of their ‘perfect woman’. Around the outside of the picture get them to write a top ten that doesn’t focus on looks but on character and attributes, e.g. rich, loves football. Take a look at each groups ‘perfect woman’. As we’ll be talking about porn, use this as a way for them to let off some steam, so don’t censor what they cut out or write. Discuss these questions:
• How much did boobs and bums feature in our ‘perfect woman’ pictures? Why?
• Where does the idea of a ‘perfect woman’ come from?
• Do you think there is more pressure on women to look sexy than on men?
• What do you think women find attractive in men?
PAGE 3 WORLD
15 mins
Say: our media uses images of sexy women to sell everything from cars to soap. A recent campaign set up by women who’ve had enough targets red top papers – The Sun and The Star - to get them to stop showing topless models on page 3 because it makes out that girls just want to be used by guys to ‘oggle’ at or have sex with. It’s a fantasy that loads of guys buy into. Split the group into two sides and get one team to come up with reasons why having a topless model on Page 3 is harmless and the other why Page 3 is harmful. Get the leaders involved so that they’re not stumped for answers then get them to debate using a mock court. One leader can be judge (provide a wig and an inflatable hammer if you like) and one person from each team can be chosen as defense and prosecution. The judge then decides who wins. After the debate read out the six reasons why Page 3 must go from the Premier Youthworkwebsite and see if your judge changes his mind.
WHY PORN ‘WORKS’
5 mins
So why does porn ‘work’? Read out these three reasons and invite comments:
• Porn can make you feel good for free, anytime, anyhow. Porn gives you a ‘natural’ high that unlike other drugs doesn’t cost anything and is easily accessible. Your smartphone means that you’re carrying a warehouse full of porn with you wherever you go. But although you might feel good for a while, how deep does that feeling go?
• It’s a biology thing. Blokes generally get turned on a lot quicker than women. Women are only fertile, that is ‘ready for sexual reproduction’ once a month, blokes are fertile all the time. That’s why it doesn’t take much to turn us on and we get erections at embarrassing times!
• Porn makes you feel like you’re the man. Think back to our first session; as men we’re always looking to stand out from the crowd, we want to be the toughest, the smartest, or the sexiest. Online porn presents us with millions of women undressing for us and gives the illusion of success. If we’re feeling rubbish about ourselves porn can be a crutch that supports our ego in the short–term but undermines it in the long–term.
NAKED TRUTH
10 mins
Get out a flip chart or large paper and pens, and ask the group to come up with as many triggers for watching porn that they can think of. Examples might include being alone in the house, going to bed and feeling turned on by something or someone you’ve seen.
Explain that we always have a choice. Even if we want to watch porn, the power is in our hands and we can still walk away. But this is tough. What helps us is having something else to do. Write the word anchors and come up with things that guys can do to help them walk away or not click. Examples might include using a computer game as distraction until we calm down, physical exercise or watching TV with the family instead of being in our own in our bedroom.
One of the most important anchors for the group are you, the leaders. Now would be a good time for your leaders to discuss their own struggles when they were teenagers, maybe even thinking about how much tougher it is to avoid porn in the digital age. This might be the first time some of your young people have talked about this subject in a group. Don’t ask them to share but emphasise that if there’s anything they need to talk about then you or one of the other leaders are available to chat. Finish this section by watching the story of sex addiction clip from the links section of the Premier Youthwork website.
PRAY
5 mins
You may have young men in the group who are completely conflicted over this issue, a minority who are oblivious to it and some who still see porn as harmless. If you feel it’s appropriate then get the entire group to link arms in a circle and have the leaders pray for strength and healing.
KEY POINT
Read Genesis 1.26-31 then say: every weekday for the last 44 years in The Sun the largest female image has been of a young woman showing her breasts for men. It’s basically saying that whatever else a woman achieves, her most important role is to be a sex object for men. It’s rubbish when you think about it. In Genesis God promotes equality between genders - he makes male and female in his own image. We have to work hard to make sure that in a society that teaches us that women are objects, we respect them as equals. That means avoiding filling our minds with unhelpful images of female nudity. This is easier said than done as using porn can be massively addictive.
