Parenting in times of grief is very challenging, Sara Taylor provides biblical and practical reflection to help in these difficult times
Grief is one of the most challenging experiences that we endure in life. Whether it arrives suddenly or evolves over time, nothing fully prepares you for the plethora of emotions that it brings. When my father passed away last year, the grief was overwhelming. Though I continue to hold on to my faith, there are days when the weight of his absence feels unbearable, and the notion of ‘healing’ seems distant.
The truth is, loss isn’t just sadness. It’s a form of trauma. Like an earthquake, it leaves you shaken, struggling to find solid ground. As parents, though, grief takes on a new dimension. Sometimes we’re grieving alongside our children; mourning a shared loss like a grandparent, a family pet, or the end of a relationship. Other times, the grief belongs to them alone, and while we might not feel the same loss, our role shifts to supporting them as they navigate heartbreak.
Remind them, and yourself, that grief isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a reflection of love
Grief isn’t confined to death. Children experience sorrow in many forms. It could arise from a friend moving away, a missed opportunity, or a dream they held coming to an end. Whatever shape it takes, loss leaves a deep void. As parents, we may not always feel or understand their pain in the same way, but we’re called to walk alongside them, offering comfort and reminding them that God’s promises hold firm, even when life feels broken.
Restoring body and soul in God’s embrace
Grief doesn’t just affect the heart, it impacts the body too. Many almost expect the tears and deep longing but are surprised by the physical toll it can take. Grief can have profound physiological effects, as the body often responds defensively to emotional distress by releasing higher levels of stress hormones like cortisol. This can trigger physical symptoms, such as loss of appetite, exhaustion, headaches, or even stomach pain. As adults, we may recognise these symptoms for what they are: the body processing deep emotional pain. But for children, these signs can be harder to comprehend. A grieving child may not say, “I’m feeling anxious and overwhelmed”, but their body may speak for them. They might struggle to sleep, experience sudden tummy aches, or become unusually tired. Some children withdraw, while others act out, seeming angry or restless when, in reality - deep down, they’re hurting.
As parents, we can support their healing by acknowledging both the emotional and physical toll of grief. Simple acts like maintaining a bedtime routine, offering healthy meals, and encouraging gentle movement (like a walk) can help regulate their overwhelmed nervous systems. The issue with grief is that it lingers, sneaking up in unexpected moments and making even simple tasks feel unmanageable. While many say it ‘just takes time’, the truth is, healing is more than that. It requires space to process, emotional support, and the grace to rebuild in a way that’s uniquely yours. As such, it’s important that, as parents, carers, or leaders, we model self-care by tending to our own needs as well. When we take time to rest, eat well, and spend time in God’s presence, it shows our children that grief is not something to be ignored or suppressed but something to be processed with care.
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God’s invitation in Matthew 11:28 is for us and for our children: ‘Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.’ Whether their grief is small or life-changing, their pain matters to him. Teaching them to lean on God in these moments not only brings comfort now but gives them a foundation of faith that will sustain them through future challenges and loss.
When the grief isn’t yours, carry it with them
There will be times when a child’s grief isn’t shared by you in the same way. I experienced this firsthand with my nephew. He spent six months in a gruelling application process for an internship at the BBC - something he had dreamed about for years. He poured his heart into it, only to be turned down in the final stage. He was devastated. Though I wasn’t personally mourning the outcome, I watched as his sense of direction crumbled, and he had to grieve an idea that didn’t come to pass.
It’s easy to minimise this kind of loss. After all, there will be other internships, other opportunities. But for him, this was the dream. His grief was real, and my role wasn’t to fix it or push him to move on too soon. It was to meet him where he was, validating his sadness, celebrating his ability to progress so far in the process, and reminding him that his worth wasn’t tied to this one opportunity.
Children, teenagers, and young adults often experience this kind of grief; the loss of a future they imagined. Whether it’s a failed exam, a breakup, or not being invited to an event, these moments feel enormous to them, even if they seem smaller from an adult’s perspective. But just as Psalm 34:18 reminds us, their grief matters to God, and it should matter to us too.
The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
Grieving together through a shared loss
Sometimes, the loss is one you both feel: a beloved grandparent, a family friend, or even a pet. When you’re navigating grief together, it can feel impossible to be strong for your children when you’re struggling too.
In all honesty, you don’t have to be perfectly composed. It’s important for your children to see that it’s okay to feel sad, to ask questions, and to lean on God. Sharing the stories, the memories, the laughter, and tears is a fundamental part of the grieving and healing process. Remind them, and yourself, that grief isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a reflection of love. Jesus himself experienced deep sorrow. In John 11:35, we read the shortest but most powerful verse, ‘Jesus wept’. By mourning the loss of His friend Lazarus, Jesus showed us that grief is human, holy, and welcome in God’s presence.
Five practical ways to support a grieving child
1. Acknowledge their loss. Validate their grief, no matter how big or small. Do not minimise their feelings or responses.
2. Give them space to talk. Encourage conversation but do not force it. Let them share in their own time and make yourself available when they are ready.
3. Pray together and for them. Show them that God is present in their pain, even when words feel difficult.
4. Help them find new direction. When they are ready, gently guide them toward new hope and new possibilities.
5. Be patient with their journey. There’s no timeline for grief. Healing looks different for everyone – give grace to them and yourself.
Grief, whether shared or carried alone, can feel like an unrelenting storm, leaving you breathless and broken. But even in the wreckage, God’s presence remains unwavering. He meets us - and our children - in the silence, holds us through the tears, and walks with you toward healing, one tender, grace-filled step at a time.
