Bobbi Kumari believes we must be vigilant in case our own children become ensnared in pornography
In May The children’s commissioner used statutory powers to analyse more than 500 case files of sexual abuse between under-18s provided by police In 50 per cent of cases the interview transcripts referred to acts of sexual violence specific to pornography such as strangulation and slapping. Some teenagers who carried out the abuse referred to their porn exposure as excessive, one saying, “I was really badly addicted to it at one point.” An earlier study by the NSPCC found that one in ten schoolchildren aged 12 to 13 were worried they were already addicted to porn.
Every single one of us, should be highly concerned about the recent report from the UK Children’s Commissioner, citing the detrimental effect of porn on teen sexuality. Particularly when half of the cases interviewed of teens, all under the age of 18, referred to personal experience of acts of sexual violence specific to pornography, such as strangulation and slapping. For Christians, the idea of any human being who has been created in the image of God, who Jesus shed His blood for, being dehumanised as a mere object of sexual pleasure, during porn consumption, should grieve us deeply. The added issue of sexual violence being normalised amongst teenagers, courtesy of porn consumption, should utterly infuriate us. (See a further article on porn’s effects here)
This should drive us to not only teach our children the importance of valuing every precious, human life, even those in the porn industry, as image bearers of Christ with a militancy. But it should also compel us to teach our children about the beauty and pursuit of true intimacy, so that they are empowered to reject the counterfeits found in pornography - where intimacy is a commodity, fantasy is a reality and sexual violence is deemed a turn on. A turn on, which is fast establishing a mindset in our teens, which not only prevents them from valuing all humans as God’s handiwork which He sent His Son to die for, but causes them to do the very opposite, as they find themselves aggressively violating humans in the guise of romance and pleasure.
Not only this, but if the government of a sexually immoral, secular culture, which openly celebrates themes such as fifty shades of grey, endorses illicit sexual education in schools and glorifies highly sexualised themes in arts and mass media, raises the alarm on the negative impact of porn on teenagers, how much more should we as Christians be on the offensive against the dangers of porn, not just because of the violent behaviours it breeds, but because of damage caused to our sex drives, our neurology and our capacity for true intimacy?
Time to be on the offensive
And on the offensive we must be! If we want to preserve our children from the destruction of porn and counterfeit intimacy, we cannot be on the defensive, simply waiting for a report from the government to spring us into action. Rather, we must be ahead of the game. We must intentionally be raising Children who understand the blessings and benefits of biblical sexuality and the value of innocence and purity. We must remove the stigma, taboo and shame often attached to sex and we must help our children to steward their sexuality and the sexuality of others with integrity, honour, freedom and confidence.
In a highly sexualised world this of course, is not easy. Yet, if our homes are places of healthy intimacy, where godly sexuality is celebrated and addressed with freedom and dignity, our children have a much better chance of rejecting the universal appeal of pornography and withstanding the toys and trappings associated with it. A key strategy for our children to resist porn is for them to be equipped to deal with the onslaught of sexual cues that bombard them endlessly. Given that our brain is ultimately the most powerful sex organ, if young people are able to control the way their brains react to sexual cues which may come their way, not just through porn, but through our highly sexualised culture in general, then they will be able to programme their brains to reject unhealthy sexual cues.
Walk in the Spirit
The most powerful way to do this is by walking in the Spirit. As a Christian, the more a teenager feeds their spirit with reading the Bible, spending time in prayer and worship, the more they have the capacity to resist the fleshly responses that will invariably arise because of extremely powerful impact of the neurochemicals released in their brain when sexual cues are in the mix, even if the cues are toxic.
Unfortunately, sexual content is so common in everyday life, that our children may already be desensitised to it. The reality is that we simply cannot scroll through TV channels or social media platforms, without being exposed to some sort of sexual imagery. When teenagers are exposed to sexualised content through mass media, not only are they are being influenced by worldly ideologies about sexuality but they are also being tempted by these sexual cues, which they will find hard to resist unless they learn how to preserve themselves.
In our porn saturated society, it may be virtually impossible for a teenager to disengage from potential sexual cues and control their responses, unless they understand that what they read, watch, listen to and engage with, shapes their thinking and subsequently effects their sexual development. Therefore, for us to protect our children from sexual cues in society during adolescence we must not only be committed to educating our children about biblical sexuality with openness and understanding, but we must also, in partnership with our children be vigilant about what they are being exposed to — what they are watching, listening to and reading, even outside of porn viewing itself.
Supervise content
We cannot be ignorant about the schemes of the enemy. We must take an intentional interest in the media content that our children are absorbing. This type of supervision must however be rooted in love, relational connection and transparency with our children, rather than a religious list of dos and don’ts! If our children understand the beauty of biblical sexuality and know what it is that we as a parent or guardian are wanting to preserve them from - and the reasons why, then there will be a greater willingness on their part to reject culturally prescribed sexual behaviours, and for them to also want to protect their own sexuality and thought life.
Kudos to the government for compiling this report and attempting to tackle the dangers of violent pornography on teenage sexuality, yet the truth is that no matter how many governmental strategies are implemented to preserve and protect our children from what the world deems to be toxic intimacy, it is only true intimacy found in God’s design for sexuality that can provide the greatest protection for our children. As parents, the more we ourselves, understand and celebrate this, the greater the capacity for our young people to resist the dangers of pornography and enjoy healthy sexuality and intimacy with dignity, purity and confidence.
