Ruth Evans from the Northern Inter-Schools Christian Union lays out a framework for supporting Christian parents through the beginning of their year 6 children’s move to BIG school
Our youth and children make several big steps in their life but as parents and carers we make those steps with them and can be as concerned and nervous as they are. One of the biggest steps our children make is starting at secondary school and that certainly is a significant change for us parents!
If you have a young person in your house in year 6 in England and Wales, (Primary 7 in Scotland) then at this time of year you will have heard about the secondary school they have a place at for September. As a parent or caregiver this next stage is one full of unknowns and feels different to the familiar primary school days, especially if this your first child to go.
The good old days of primary school
When your child is at primary school you see other parents and caregivers at drop off, you might go in to school with other parents for ‘celebration assemblies’ or for end of term events. You are likely to see school staff, sometimes their teacher, daily, even if that is just from a distance and you know who they are. When secondary school starts your child will have a greater degree of independence and you may only meet their teachers at the first parents’ evening. Secondary school will be far more of a closed book to you than primary school ever was.
Getting ready for BIG school
Now that you know where your young person is going in September it’s time to start getting ready. Schools will lay on a range of preparatory activities including transition visits but there is also lots you can be doing at home to make the move smoother.
Think about the heart
As with everything else in the Christian life at some level it is a matter of the heart. How is your heart and the heart of your child with respect to the move? It’s only natural to be nervous. As a schools’ worker in both primary and secondary schools, and also a mum of 3 teens in years 11, 10 and 8, I know this journey only too well and I would like to encourage you.
When Jesus was speaking in ‘The Sermon on the Mount’ there were no primary and secondary schools, but what he said to his hearers then is just as relevant to us now.
“Look at the birds of the air: They do not sow or reap or gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Matthew 6 v 26 & 27
One of the most wonderful things we can remind ourselves of, as well the young people in our care, is that we are considered valuable and precious, not just by each other, but by our creator. The God who made them knows them, and loves them, and knows what they need.
“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6 v 33 - 34
God’s got this. Pray these ideas and passages through with your child, be open with your own nervousness and your commitment to hold them in prayer throughout the transition.
Think about the mind
It’s also helpful to consider how your child is framing the move in their mind. Are they seeing it as an obstacle or an opportunity? Do they consider it a chance to expand their horizons or as a time of testing and trial? Maybe you could find a year 7 or 8 who is similar in character to your child to chat to about how they handled it.
One thing that is helpful to do is prepare your child for the mind shift that will be needed to adjust to the new environment. For instance, it might be wise to explain to your child that it is entirely normal for friendship groups to break up and reform in all sorts of interesting ways. That might not be a straightforward process, it might even be painful, but it is normal and is an opportunity to make new friends. Help them see that they have done this before and have the capacity and skills to do it.
Think about the body
There are of course important physical and logistical tasks like acquiring new uniform and thinking about travel to school. For instance, is the school within walking distance, or will they travel by designated school bus? Or maybe you will drive them, or they will get public transport? Schools will have information packs and meetings where you can ask more questions. It is also helpful to find out which of their current school friends will be going to the same school as them. It might be worth doing dry runs of the school journey.
As regards uniform, usually, the most expensive item is the blazer, so consider buying larger than is needed. Many year 7 students start wearing oversized blazers that they will grow into, and they do. You may just need to buy 2 or 3 blazers over the course of the 5 years rather than replacing it every year – and look out for school ‘pre-loved’ uniform sales too. As for the rest of the uniform, you can wait until later in the summer holidays, so you’ll not be caught out by a growth spurt in August.
Developing a positive mindset
Of course, there are things we don’t yet know, but helping our young people to trust the Lord will be key for them throughout secondary school. It’s a mindset that we have the privilege of modelling for them. If our young people see us panicking, they are likely to follow suit. But if we acknowledge with them that this is the first BIG step on the way towards independence, and can point out the positives in it, they are likely to be less anxious. We want to give our young people the strong roots of the home and God’s kingdom. From these strong roots they can flourish, grow and branch out – knowing that they are individuals with unique combinations of gifts and talents that we love to see them use.
So, let home be the place where your child can share the thoughts and feelings they have about the next step to ‘big school’. Help them to enjoy being the oldest children at school for the next few months and encourage them that they have the skills to succeed and do well. And last, but not least, pray for your child and their friends, and let them know you are doing that. They might pretend they don’t care… but somewhere inside, it matters to them, because it means they matter to you, and to God.
