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  • Do we hate our sin because we are truly sorry towards God or because we feel shame?
  • Are we really looking for forgiveness or just escape from embarrassment?
  • Are there any times shame is a good thing?
  • Remember a time you got caught doing something naughty; when we get found out, is there relief mingled with the embarrassment?
  • How does hiding your bad points help or harm you? • Do you have things you are ashamed of that no one else knows about?

You can stop short of asking what your mentee is hiding by asking them to think of it and just talk about their responses. Does it plague their thoughts? How often do they think about it? What are the triggers? Does anyone know? How does it affect them? Does it affect anyone else? Does it hurt their relationships?

 

SAFEGUARDING

Be careful about opening a can of worms – think about your accountability as a mentor. Also think about the setting of the meeting. Always refer to your safeguarding policy and let a colleague know what you are doing, when, and where.

 

LET’S TRY THIS

Write down five things you feel ashamed about. Ask God to bring healing and release. See how cathartic it can be to get old dark secrets out in the open, even just briefly and to only yourself. How much more freeing can it be to share them with someone safe?

Ask your mentee if they want to share five things they feel ashamed about – and if so whether they want to work through them or whether it just helps to know someone else knows and is praying for them.

If you do this with your mentee you may feel able to share your list in order to take the sting and power imbalance out of the situation.

Don’t get too sucked into trying to solve these issues – that will take months of mentoring – but these are things your young person has been carrying alone for years. This session is trying to break the power of hiding things: the power of sin and shame is in keeping it hidden. Get it out in the open and you break its authority. You could look at Romans 8:1-2 together and pray to finish. 

Joel Toombs has an MA in Christian mentoring and wrote the Grove booklet Mentoring and young people. He is a mentor in the music industry and a youth worker.

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