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It was mainly failing because my mentee and I had not discussed often enough what the aims were and what we wanted to get out of it, so we ended up at cross-purposes. I made the mistake of being more concerned with delivering a ‘good mentoring service’ than paying the utmost attention to what would best help my mentee. This mainly meant talking about stuff I thought was important but was not what he really needed to talk about.
Similarly I’ve been on the receiving end of this type of error. One of my own mentors had his own ideas of what the outcomes of our relationship could and should be and they were not the same as what I wanted out of it, leaving me frustrated and confused. Having preconceptions of what the mentee might say, do or turn out like, is a cardinal sin in mentoring. There’s really nothing worse for a mentoring relationship than mismatched expectations.
So listen before you formulate an answer: listen to what is going on behind their words and body language and listen to the Holy Spirit as you discern how to serve them.
In order to do this, consider using one of those paper ‘fortune teller’ contraptions so loved by primary-aged young people! Yes, this activity may not be everyone’s cup of tea but you can always call it ‘retro’ with older young people to avoid patronising them. Even if you don’t actually play the game, it’s a way of diffusing what can be an awkward conversation for us Brits – honesty around a formalised relationship!
If it’s been a while since you were at primary school Google ‘how to make a paper fortune teller’. Discuss the four main areas your mentee would like to grow in and write these on the outside sections. For the eight inside sections have them set a tangible goal within those areas. The final note when you open the flaps should be an idea from the mentee of one small step they can take toward achieving growth in that area. Let me know if this activity works for you by tweeting @ youthworkmag or commenting on this website.
