It takes a village: Rediscovering biblical parenting through community

Biblical examples of the spiritual village 

Think of how often the wider faith community shaped the lives of biblical characters. When Jesus was 12, his mum and dad found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening and asking questions – absorbing the wisdom in the room. He gravitated towards those who could teach him and guide him. Moses was raised by his biological mother, Pharoah’s daughter and the Egyptian royal court. His mum saved him from certain death, but it took the care, protection and the influence of different people from diverse cultures to shape him into the leader he became. Timothy’s faith was nurtured by multiple generations of women before Paul stepped in as a spiritual mentor.  And Samuel – his mum, Hannah, entrusted her son to the care of the temple community. Orphaned Esther was taken in by her cousin Mordecai, who raised her as his own daughter and played a crucial role in God’s plan to save the Jewish people from annihilation. 

These stories from the Bible remind us that we were never meant to do life, and especially parenting alone.  God gave Eve to Adam – a partner and companion because, according to his purpose, we are designed for relationship. First with him, then with one another. When we do things together, when we are supported and encouraged by the people around us, we can live our best lives. This doesn’t mean that things will always be easy but when they’re not, we have others walking alongside us. 

Learning from African brothers and sisters 

Biblical parenting isn’t just about raising children – it’s about raising them within a loving, faith-filled community. There is a Zulu proverb: “Umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu,” meaning: “A person is a person through other people.” It encapsulates the African philosophy Ubuntu – which affirms human connection, compassion and communal responsibility; our identity, well-being and success are deeply connected to the people around us.

A strong community makes parenting easier, healthier and more joyful.

In many African societies, child-rearing, problem-solving and celebrations of youth and family involve the whole community. In contrast, Western culture often encourages individualism. We’re taught to focus on ourselves, to “live our own truths.” The phrase “you do you” has become an easy way to sidestep the responsibility of connecting with others, especially when things get messy or we don’t agree. Yet, the spirit of Ubuntu is reflected throughout the Bible, demonstrating that raising children isn’t the responsibility of parents alone. Biblical parenting is enriched by mentors, extended family, faith communities and even unexpected caregivers. 

The need for community 

Parents typically need connection, encouragement and practical help to navigate the challenges of raising children. Churches and communities can be a lifeline. So can families – families like yours. Not everyone finds community easy; it can feel uncomfortable, even vulnerable. But shared struggles make it meaningful. Alan Hirsch, award-winning author and missional thinker, says adversity forces people into authentic community and that what holds people together is a common struggle. Parenting, for example. 

Real life examples 

At Kids Matter, we’ve seen firsthand what happens when parents find community. Our parenting programmes are written, specifically, for those who are hard-to-reach – parents who are lonely and isolated in the journey of parenthood, stressed and depressed by poverty. Research shows that children need a strong relationship with at least one parent or carer to flourish. When parents are equipped with the tools (confidence, competence and community) they need to build strong relationships with their children, families are more resilient in the face of adversity – so children learn and thrive, for generations to come. We’ve witnessed how even small changes can create a lasting impact for families in Kids Matter groups. 

Before Kids Matter, Fatma thought that playing was a waste of time – doing the dishes and wading through household chores seemed more important. But through chatting with other mums and working through the programme material, she realised that play is essential for bonding. Fatma told us: “As parents, we sometimes do wrong because we don’t have the knowledge, and we don’t take advice from people who have experienced it. In the group, there were more women older than me who have more children. And when I hear their stories, I find them valuable, and I learn and then go home and correct myself.”

Mum Tamara implemented screen-time rules for herself and her child. As a result, they’ve spent more time together, strengthening their connection and creating a happier home. When we asked her what she liked most about Kids Matter she said, “I think it’s the fact that you can be open, and you have different mums with different experiences – so you’re not alone. It’s the sharing and the caring…” 

Stories like Fatma’s and Tamara’s represent hundreds of mums, dads and carers who have benefitted from ‘the wisdom in the room.’ The beauty of this is that you don’t need a Kids Matter group to connect with other parents. Every parent and family can do this! Those of us who have close family or long-standing friends, mums who meet and chat over coffee, dads who gather for football, kids who play together, will know how special it is to have a support network – people who accept us as we are. A space where we can keep it real, without judgment. What if we reached out and offered this to someone else? As Jesus did. 

What can we do? 

Life is busy and all of us have a million and one things to do, which means that noticing the parent who seems aloof, alone, sad or stressed takes intentionality. How do we come alongside others without invading their space or feeling awkward? The truth is, it might feel both awkward and invasive at first. But as Kids Matter groups have shown, parents who feel overwhelmed or unsure usually need someone to make the first move. We must be willing to put ourselves out there – to be vulnerable. Here’s how we open ourselves up to connecting: 

Be Present and Intentional

• Check-in regularly – A simple “how are you really doing?” can mean the world.
• Offer practical help – Babysitting, meal deliveries or just helping with errands.
• Create safe spaces – Invite parents for coffee, a playdate or a support group where they can be honest without judgment. 

Listen Without Judgment

• Be a listening ear – Let them share. There is no need for you to solve a problem, simply listen.
• Avoid platitudes – Instead of “It’ll get better,” say, “That sounds really hard—how can I support you?”
• Encourage, don’t preach – Share biblical hope (implicitly or explicitly), but also acknowledge their challenges and perhaps share some of your own. 

Build Trust Through Small Acts

• Show up – Consistency matters more than grand gestures.
• Remember details – Ask about a child’s school project, a doctor’s appointment or a prayer request.
• Celebrate small wins – Affirm even small parenting victories. 

Building relationships takes time. Little by little. And it will cost – energy, emotion, time, thought – but it’s so worth it! A strong community makes parenting easier, healthier and more joyful. Remember, it takes a village! Not every parent, carer or family will be a Christian or want to come to church but the more we can include others and allow ourselves to be included, the more we reflect Jesus… and He will do the rest. 

If you would like to find out more about Kids Matter or read more stories like Tamara’s or Fatma’s please visit our website here. 

The thoughts and opinions shared in this article are those of the author and don’t necessarily reflect the official views of Kids Matter.