Sleepovers are a cherished part of childhood—an opportunity for children to bond with friends, and enjoy the freedom of staying up far too late! For parents, sleepovers are a big moment, as the fun also comes with the responsibility of ensuring everyone is safe and looked after. With stories of peer-on-peer abuse in the media, it’s natural for parents to have concerns. So let’s look at how you can make for an enjoyable and safe sleepover.
Understanding Peer-on-Peer Abuse
Before diving into tips for a successful sleepover, we should understand what “peer-on-peer abuse” means. Essentially, it refers to harmful behaviour, between children of similar ages, ranging from bullying to sexual harassment. According to the NSPCC, 1 in 5 children aged 11-17 have experienced some form of abuse by their peers. It’s not easy for parents to think about, but peer-on-peer abuse can happen, even where we don’t expect it, including sleepovers. to the NSPCC, 1 in 5 children aged 11-17 have experienced some form of abuse by their peers.
The good news is that there are practical steps we can take that significantly reduce the risk of harm and help make sleepovers the fun experience they should be.
Before the Sleepover: Set the Foundations
1 Know the Family
One of the easiest ways to ease your concerns about a sleepover is to get to know the other family involved. If your child is invited to a friend’s house, try to meet or speak to the parents beforehand. A casual chat at school pick-up, a cup of tea, or even just a quick phone call can help you get a sense of their parenting style, house rules, and the overall environment.
If your child is hosting the sleepover, make sure you communicate with the parents of the invited children. Keep them informed about your plans, and be transparent about your household rules.
2 Build a Culture of Openness
One of the most effective ways to safeguard against peer-on-peer abuse is by having a culture of open communication at home. Your child should feel confident to come to you with any concerns, big or small. The more comfortable your child feels talking to you about their friendships, the more likely they are to tell you if something isn’t right.
3 Set Expectations with Your Child
t’s important to talk with your child about appropriate behaviour with friends in an age-appropriate way. For younger children, discuss things like sharing, showing respect, and what to do if they feel uncomfortable. For older kids, focus on issues like consent and setting boundaries.
It could be helpful to speak to your child about the difference between secrets and surprises. For example, surprises on birthdays, which everyone eventually finds out about, are fun. But secrets that involve keeping silent about someone being hurt or frightened is never OK.
Children should always feel empowered to say ‘no’ to any touch that they don’t want, or frightens or confuses them. They should also know that they can seek help from a safe adult, including calling you, even if it’s late at night.
During the Sleepover: Subtle Supervision
1 Be Present
While you shouldn’t hover over the kids the whole time, it’s wise to stay nearby and make your presence known. Checking in casually, offering snacks, or setting up fun activities can help you keep an eye on things without making the children feel like they’re being watched too closely. Try to create an atmosphere where everyone feels relaxed and safe but aware that you’re there if needed.
2 Bedrooms and Privacy
It’s a good idea to establish clear rules about where the children can and can’t go during the sleepover. If you have more than one gender staying over, you may want to set guidelines about separate sleeping arrangements. Children may need a reminder about respecting others’ privacy, particularly when changing clothes or using the bathroom.
3 Manage Technology
In today’s digital age, sleepovers can quickly turn into online marathons. While it’s fine for kids to share a few YouTube videos or snap pictures, it’s wise to set some boundaries around screen time. Consider asking the children to hand in their phones at bedtime or restricting access to certain apps. This can also help prevent any peer pressure around inappropriate content.
Discussing appropriate online behaviour is just as important as setting physical boundaries. Make sure your child knows not to take photos of anyone without their permission, especially if someone is in pyjamas or sleeping.
After the Sleepover: Follow-Up with Your Child
After the sleepover, take some time to talk to your child. Don’t interrogate them, but ask how they felt about the experience. Find out if they had fun, or if anything made them uncomfortable. If something did stay calm and listen. It’s important they know they can talk to you about anything.
A biblical view
The Bible encourages children to obey their parents, but obviously, it would be wrong for a child to be coerced into anything immoral, illegal, or abusive. Matthew 18:6 strongly condemns those who harm children. Jesus always welcomed and treated children with respect, even when others wanted to dismiss them. Children should be taught to respect adults and to trust their instincts when something feels wrong. Jesus valued their well-being, and adults must do the same.
A final note…
As a parent, giving your child freedom while ensuring their safety feels tricking and at times overwhelming. But with preparation, clear communication, and open dialogue, sleepovers can remain a fun and rewarding part of childhood, while also being a safe experience.
If you have any concerns or questions about safeguarding sleepovers contact the Thirtyone:eight helpline on 0303 003 1111 or email helpline@thirtyone.eight
