Drawing on the psychological research for her PhD Sara Taylor considers what Christian parents should think about as they watch this most tense of dramas
Few television shows capture the emotional chaos of growing up as honestly as Netflix’s latest series, Adolescence. Diving deep into the complex struggles faced by young people today, this is more than just a typical coming-of-age drama. With its innovative use of single-take episodes, its raw and poignant cinematography immerses you into a world of identity crises, societal pressure, online dangers, and the hidden pain of those caught in the fallout of serious mistakes.
While undoubtedly a challenging watch, this show affords parents a unique opportunity to experience the world their children navigate daily. Without spoiling the storyline, Adolescence launches you hard and fast into the lived experience of a family when their child is arrested for a serious crime. Highlighting their complete shock, the associated pressures, and the judgement they face; it raises the crucial question: How can a parent support their child through these real-life challenges whilst also managing their own emotions and fears?
Help your child navigate identity and social pressures
Adolescence is a crucial time for identity formation. Psychoanalyst Erik Erikson shares how teenagers live in the tension between self-discovery and the need to conform to societal expectations. For parents, it’s important to understand that identity and external pressures are closely linked. The desire to belong is deep-rooted in us as humans; yet young people today face relentless messaging about how they should look, behave, and succeed to gain acceptance. This overwhelming pressure can fuel insecurities, causing children to chase validation rather than embrace their true selves.
Romans 12:2 encourages us to not be conformed “to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” It’s easy to read this scripture and believe that all non-Christian influences should be avoided; however, parents can best help their children by creating a safe, supportive space where they feel loved for who they are, and able to engage with the world while staying rooted in their faith.
In practice:
- Listen whole-heartedly, without judgment. Children open up more when they feel heard, not criticised.
- Affirm their God-given worth. Remind them their value comes from who they are in Christ, not achievements or appearance.
- Prepare them for peer pressure. Practice ways to say no confidently and set up an exit plan, like texting a code word to your phone if they are in an uncomfortable situation.
Understanding the online risks in a digital age
Exploring the double-edged nature of the online world, Adolescence highlights how the internet can be not only a space where young people positively connect, but also a tool for bullying, exploitation, and unrealistic comparisons.
One key element that the series powerfully highlights is the use of emojis and the darker, coded meaning behind these colourful icons. The second episode exposes young people using these symbols to secretly communicate or avoid adult detection. Technology is always advancing, and this makes it harder for parents to spot potential dangers, but being present in the digital conversation is vital. When parents find the balance of being involved without invading privacy, they can help their children to build healthier, safer online habits.
In practice:
- Learn about the platforms they use. Not to spy, but to stay engaged and aware.
- Set healthy boundaries. Agree screen time limits and discuss why online safety is important.
- Teach accountability. Help them understand that the internet is a permanent public space, and their digital behaviour reflects their character.
Illuminating the overlooked victims of crime
One of the most harrowing aspects of Adolescence is its portrayal of the families of young offenders. Sadly, when a child commits a crime, judgement often extends beyond the perpetrator, leaving parents and siblings as hidden victims. This resonated deeply with me, having previously interviewed parents whose children were arrested for serious offences. My research revealed the profound anguish these parents endured as they wrestled with overwhelming guilt, grief, and a sense of failure, all while navigating the painful tension of loving and supporting their child through the consequences.
One mother of a child charged with sexual assault, described the crushing weight of guilt that left her feeling unable to support her child fully, saying that,
“You feel like a complete failure… what have I done wrong for him to be going through this… You sit and you think, well this is my fault. I failed him as a mother.”
This heartbreaking sense of self-blame is all too common. Parents often turn the spotlight on themselves, believing they must have missed a warning sign or made a mistake somewhere along the way. The truth is that whilst parents shape and guide their children, they do not control their choices, a reality that’s deeply painful to accept. The Bible offers a hard but hopeful reminder in Ezekiel 18:20: ”The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child.”
Adolesence invites parents to understand the world through the eyes of a child, without filtering or sugarcoating their fears, pressures, or hidden battles
Another parent I spoke with captured the emotional tug-of-war many feel: the tension between loving their child and struggling to reconcile that love with the shock of their actions – they reflected that,
“I’ve seen a side to him I don’t know, I don’t recognise. I don’t recognise him as my child. I love him to bits, but I don’t like what he’s done. It’s hard because I love him so much.” (Mother of a child charged with Conspiracy to commit GBH)
This echoes the biblical story of David and Absalom (2 Samuel 13-18). Despite Absalom’s rebellion and betrayal, David still mourned his son’s death with anguished cries. It’s a stark reminder for parents facing this unimaginable reality that love can endure even when a child’s actions feel unrecognisable.
In practice:
- Allow yourself to grieve without guilt. You are not responsible for every choice your child makes.
- Separate the child from the action. It’s possible - and necessary, to disapprove of what they’ve done while still affirming your love for them as a person.
- Seek support from those who understand. While you may feel isolated, you’re not alone. God’s grace extends not only to those who have made a serious mistake, but also to the parents and siblings left to pick up the pieces. This support network can provide room for healing, hope, and love.
It’s fair to say that Adolescence is a challenging watch, but it’s an important one. Through all its rawness, it invites parents to understand the world through the eyes of a child, without filtering or sugarcoating their fears, pressures, or hidden battles. It is educational, a conversation starter, and – most of all, a reminder that parenting is not about having all the answers but walking with our children through their questions.
