Sarah Holmes draws on her own research to promote the place of grandparents in raising the next generation in faith
It’s over 20 years now since my grandad moved on to heaven, but I am still inspired by his prayers and the role model of faith he was to me. His well-worn Bible was always open next to his favourite armchair, and he told me on so many occasions that whilst he couldn’t physically do much in his later years, so he would sit talking to Jesus for large portions of the day, particularly praying for me and my family. I will never forget him. His faith inspires me still now and will do for the rest of my life.
Similar stories are told many times over by people around the world. So many would tell you of the influence of a Christian grandparent on their faith journey. There is something so special about grandparents – the bond between them and their grandchild is usually mutually satisfying and is so valuable in providing a trustworthy person who is constant in the life of a growing child. Often grandparents have a bit more time and are therefore able to be more available. They have the benefit of life experience to draw on. And as Christians, they are able to pass on their legacy of faith to their grandchildren.
Now that I have my own children, I am so thankful that they have great role models of faith in their grandparents. But I’ve been surprised to hear that many Christian grandparents struggle to know how to share their faith with their grandchildren. Many are unsure of what is ok to say and are hesitant to say or do too much. Many tell me that they don’t know how to make faith feel relevant in the lives of modern-day children and teens. For some the boundaries of what’s ok are unknown and for others it has been made clear that faith should not be a topic of conversation amongst wider family.
During the pandemic, when there was so much isolation amongst extended families and emotions and experiences were intensified, I did some research amongst Christian grandparents. I wanted to find out more about their experiences and how they could be better equipped. More recently, I did a second related piece of research. Here’s some of what I found out from these two projects…
The unique role of grandparents
Perhaps it comes as no surprise, but everyone agreed that the grandparent-grandchild relationship is precious. There’s nothing quite like it – a trusted adult who cares deeply for the child, is available for support and yet is slightly outside of the parental constraints. There’s a strong feeling that this relationship is mutually beneficial, with grandparents and children both appreciating their interactions so much. It was great to hear stories where children or teens often phoned their grandparent to ask a question which they perhaps felt unable to ask their parents, or they turned to their grandparents for prayer support when they faced challenges.
Grandparents are often hesitant when it comes to the faith life of their grandchildren
Yet when it came to faith….it was surprising that many Christian grandparents never even thought that they may have a role in supporting the faith of their grandchild. Perhaps they had become a Christian later in life, so did not have a Christian childhood upbringing to draw upon themselves. For some, they viewed faith as a private matter, whilst others did not want to be accused of indoctrination so held back. And many others did not want to offend or ‘ruffle feathers’ so also held back. Some just thought that it was the role of the church to support a child’s faith.
The place of prayer
In the research, it was so inspiring that most of the Christian grandparents I spoke with prayed regularly for their grandchildren. And this is so impactful. It would be great to develop this further, so that there was more of a culture in Christian families of encouraging grandparents to pray more WITH their grandchildren. Opening up dialogue and opportunities for prayer requests from grandchildren from an early age is so beneficial as part of the natural rhythm of extended family life. It helps grandparents to pray more informed prayers, whilst modelling the power of prayer to their grandchildren.
The danger of assumptions and the importance of dialogue
But I also think that it’s really important to talk more in our families about this…. Our research showed that there wasn’t much dialogue about this generally. Instead, there were many assumptions. Sometimes these assumptions held people back, and occasionally assumptions led grandparents to act in ways which their family found to be unhelpful. Chatting together is so very important. Right from when a baby is born, discuss together about the different roles, desires and expectations extended family have. Discuss how you could work as a team to support your child’s developing faith. What are some of the times, places and events which would work well? Where would you really value some extra support? And are there any areas which you’d prefer grandparents not to stray into? More open dialogue will remove awkwardness and unspoken fears and free everyone up to support your child most effectively. And it’s important to do this early, when habits and patterns are being formed and shaped. Embedding more conversation about God and faith sharing into your family’s normal everyday rhythm will help children to see how faith can be lived out and relevant to family life.
Our research also showed that there is minimal conversation about Christian grandparenting in churches or wider Christian culture. So, we want to enable this to happen more. Parenting for Faith and CYM are partnering together to produce an online course to equip grandparents. There’s a taster day in the Birmingham area on 13th March and we’d warmly welcome Christian grandparents or church representatives to come along to this inspiring and encouraging day. From 20th April, you will be able to access the Grandparenting for Faith course on the CYM website. We hope and pray that this will equip and empower grandparents and release them to be more actively and intentionally involved in the faith of the children or young people around them.
