Claire Hailwood looks at how mothers should be celebrated, but so should mothering, which is something everyone in the church can do
One of the things that I love most about being a mum is receiving hand delivered tokens of love. I have kept notes from my now-teenagers, one of whom, at six, declared they loved me nearly as much as their favorite toy. I have photos of a special stick found ‘just for me’ by a sweet little redheaded boy who is now as tall as I am.
And I remember the Mother’s Day weekend where a precious young person who was with us went missing and how it felt when we found them - relief that they were safe and heartache because of what they were experiencing. We sat on the steps near the park for a long time that Sunday. Some of it in silence, some of it laughing as we played ‘guess the colour of the jelly bean’ and sometimes I simply absorbed their anger and pain.
As a Mother’s Day experience, it wasn’t very instagrammable and if I’m honest I might have chosen lunch out somewhere other than a local park. In the midst of this messy day there were glimpses of joy and important moments of connection but I’m not sharing the memory because there was a ‘happy’ ending but because it was one of the most significant mothering moments I’ve had - deeply costly and a huge privilege.
What is Mothering Sunday and what is mothering?
In the UK, Mothering Sunday began in the sixteenth century as a day when people returned to their ’mother church’. Many children as young as ten worked away from home, so it was a rare chance for families to reunite. By the 20th century, it became a day for honouring mothers, with retailers seizing the opportunity for commercialisation.
Mother’s Day, as opposed to Mothering Sunday is another example of American influence despite the day’s different origin story. I have grown to appreciate ‘Mothering Sunday’ because of the breadth of celebration it speaks to. Of course, we shouldn’t ‘just’ honour those who mother one day a year but as an ‘excuse’ to intentionally celebrate and honour those who mother? I am all for it!
“Mothering (adjective)
- the nurturing of a child by a mother or in the way that a mother does
- the act of caring for or protecting like a mother.”
It is right that we should celebrate, honour and acknowledge the brilliance and often selflessness of women who are mums. The way that God has designed women so that biologically many can grow and deliver an actual other human is extraordinary. The dedication that many women demonstrate as they raise children is a beautiful picture of relationship, attachment and God’s exquisite design. And yet to leave it there feels remiss because mothering is broader and deeper than ‘just’ what biology can do.
Ensuring a wide definition of mothering
I am grateful for the women who have mothered me, some for a season and some for the long haul - my youth leader who saw beyond my belligerent teenage exterior, a friend whose wisdom has shaped and strengthened my parenting and others.
Church can be an incredible place of mothering. Maybe you have experience of a spiritual mother? Maybe you don’t have a relationship with your biological mother, but you know what it is to be scooped up by a woman who has mothered you, maybe in the context of a wider family unit or maybe as part of a less traditional looking one! Church should be a picture of family as God designs it - where no one is left out, all are valued equally, where everyone has a place to belong and grow.
The place of mothering in the mission of God
”Sing to God, sing in praise of his name, extol him who rides on the clouds, rejoice before him—his name is the Lord.” (Psalm 68:4)
What a picture of His majesty and power! So, what is this king like? How does He express this power and majesty?
“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing.” (Psalm 68:5-6a)
God provides family as a place of belonging. God turns loneliness into community. But how? Who’s to do this? The church, the ‘called out ones.’ And women called to mother are central to this. How does your family express the breadth and depth of this way in which God has created family to be? How are you playing your part to welcome others into a place of belonging? Just imagine…
Imagine how the landscape of the church and nation could be transformed if the people of God seized hold of this call?
Imagine the difference in the midst of the epidemic of loneliness?
Imagine the possibility when more children and young people are coming into care than ever before and need a place of belonging for a short or long time?
Imagine the difference for the older generation as too many currently spend their ‘third age’ in isolation?
Three things to think about for this Mothering Sunday
Ask
If you have people in your life for whom this day may be tricky then speak to them. Let them know you see them, that you can’t fully understand but are there for them.
Many people avoid church all together on Mothering Sunday - what could we do to support them, to express care and ask how best to journey alongside them?
Sometimes asking someone what they need can feel overwhelming so perhaps think about what you could offer or suggest as part of the conversation. Do they want to join you for food on Mother’s Day or for part of the day? Could you have some time together before the day? Can you pray specifically with or for them?
Include
Why not celebrate mothering in all its beauty, breadth and depth in church - as part of children’s and youth work and from the front. Share stories that encourage, inspire and include mothering in all its forms as seen across your community.
Be thankful
Let our foundation be thankfulness for God’s design of family. Let’s celebrate and honour motherhood in all its depth in a world that often sidelines it. Let’s set the standard for valuing women and mothering - on Mothering Sunday and all year round.
