Hitting children is harmful and God does not give harmful parenting advice

The Twitter storm caused by a pastor’s wife who admitted to slapping her pre-school aged daughter has reminded us that many families still believe in physical punishment and seem to believe it works, and in one respect it’s easy to see why. Many children who are hit (and let’s get rid of euphemisms such as ‘spanking’, it’s hitting!) will learn quickly to comply, to behave how their parents want them to behave for fear of being hurt. Many of those parents will then receive praise for their children’s obedience and docile nature from others, in particular their church community, and so, it appears that they have “good” children, and their discipline method is effective.

Children who behave for fear of physical or emotional punishment, are not “good” children they are frightened children. Their experience is no different to that of a woman in an abusive marriage, who soon learns to have her husband’s dinner on the table at the same time every night for fear of the consequences. Hitting children does not teach them respect, it teaches them fear, it does not instil good values into them, rather it is coercive control. When those children are no longer under that control where is their incentive to behave well?