Laura Hogarth reflects on what it means to be a parent whilst her daughter is in hospital, sharing insights and biblical reflection to help others in similar situations.
I’m sitting just to her side, wedged between the ward wall and my child’s hospital bed. For me and many other parents this has become a familiar yet daunting place. The rhythmic soundscape of oxygen masks and intermittent beeping from machines becomes our lullaby. It merges into the background of chatter and children’s cries, as we try to rest and get some sleep.
Every visit to hospital brings with it a loss of control and removes your home comforts which can be disorientating and can affect how we are equipped to deal with difficult situations. Fear can rise and you can find yourself prone to analysing monitors desperate for any glimmer of hope.
It is hard enough when we go through these challenges ourselves, but to do so as a parent can bring another layer of complexity to the table. Not only do we have to find the faith to get through the days personally but we also have the critical role of being there for our children.
So how can we parent our children well in the midst of such challenges and stress? Maybe the answer is simply through our own everyday faith. Let me share three ways in which we try to navigate this as a family.
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The gift of presence
Sitting in this wipe clean fold out chair, I look over at my daughter. Being able to sit with her, just being there brings her such comfort. All it takes is for her to look over to see me and I see her shoulders relax and a twinkle return to her eyes. Our presence brings hope to our children and cultivates a place of peace.
How similar is it, then, that God is there for you both too. God loves us unconditionally. We can be confident that God’s presence goes with us, it surrounds us and brings with it a fullness and abundance of peace. As we are held in God’s presence through the chaos of a hospital stay, we can share that peace and love with our children. God is with us. Like my daughter looks to catch my eye, I also look for God’s presence as I sit here. Knowing I am not facing this alone and his presence brings peace and comfort.
I acknowledge God’s presence with us every time we sit and pray together. If my daughter is feeling worried, fearful or in pain we will pray and thank God for holding us both and for his unending love.
In Exodus chapter 33 Moses is worried and nervous about doing what God has asked him to do alone. God tells him: “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
2. Making our faith normal
My priority as always is to be there for my daughter. To be her advocate for her care. But also, to keep my head and my heart rooted in the knowledge that we are held tightly by our God. Our faith is at the core of our being and at the very core of our faith is the truth that God is with us, he loves us and can be trusted.
Holding onto the truth that God is with us, raises our heads and changes our perspective. If we can hold onto hope, we can help our kids to hold onto hope too. In the middle of the scary and the unknown, we can celebrate God’s love.
In our normal everyday life at home, we pray, and we sing around the house. It is nothing fancy or spectacular but just snippets of a normal life. Making sure we bring those small everyday routines with us into the hospital ward has helped us both to keep our hearts steady. Even the nurses have come by once or twice to listen and even join in with our singing.
Paul encourages us to speak ‘to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.’ (Ephesians 5:18-20)
3. Celebrate small victories
Being positive in a scary environment can be really difficult. But practicing gratitude and celebrating small wins opens up our heart. It allows our souls to embrace the goodness that surrounds us and helps our children to focus on the good. It can be absolutely anything:
- “Check out your numbers, they have gone up by one since the last time!”
- “Yay, its toffee yoghurt for dessert!”
- “Our favourite toilet is free!”
- “Look at that beautiful bird sat on the window ledge to say hello!”
The small things deserve recognition in hard times. Celebrating the small, has really meant that we have acknowledged God’s goodness, and has kept our hearts joyful in the midst of a difficult season. It is possible to be glad of the small things even in hospital. Laughing at the silly wins is allowed.
Paul reminds us to ‘Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-7)
Praying for all those parenting in hospital right now.
